When keeping it real goes wrong, lawyer edition

[wazzuFreddo]

I stole this from another BARFer’s Facebook. I’m not an attorney or anything but I don’t think telling opposing counsel to, “eat a bowl of dicks,” is a solid legal strategy. :laughing

https://abovethelaw.com/2019/12/sma...bowl-of-dicks-during-settlement-negotiations/

Generally, when opposing counsel tells you to “eat a bowl of dicks,” you know that your settlement talks are going nowhere fast. When opposing counsel later informs you that he’s going to “let the long dick of the law f*ck [your client],” then you know that something may be amiss. When opposing counsel then begins to refer to you as a “cumstain” and a “limp dick mother f*cker,” you may realize that your settlement talks have gone completely off the rails. When opposing counsel threatens to “water board each one of [your client’s] trolls who show up for depo without any mercy whatsoever,” and claims that he “know where you live,” you know it’s time to file ex parte with a judge to get some much-needed relief.

 

[Brokenlink]

LOLLLOLLLOOLLL

 

[Map8]

Well a lot of people prefer plain language to obtuse legal terminology.

 

[ejv]

My favorite was the threat about being so lucky as to only be able to work as a notary public in El Cajon.

 

[bojangle]

I'm a big fan of legal speak.

See these fists? They're about to fuck you up!

Something tells me the plaintiff's attorney will be on the Hook for something.

 

[Eldritch]

I stole this from another BARFer’s Facebook. I’m not an attorney or anything but I don’t think telling opposing counsel to, “eat a bowl of dicks,” is a solid legal strategy. :laughing

https://abovethelaw.com/2019/12/sma...bowl-of-dicks-during-settlement-negotiations/

Yeah, SoCal Lawyer.


youtu.be/Q_4bp8bBNVw

 

[Johndicezx9]

A cooler full dicks available here:

https://gizmodo.com/fbi-finds-bucket-of-heads-cooler-of-penises-sewn-fran-1836697819

 

[mosquito]

Well a lot of people prefer plain language to obtuse legal terminology.

But, for the record, what is the obtuse legal terminology for "Eat a bowl of dicks"?

 

[bojangle]

But, for the record, what is the obtuse legal terminology for "Eat a bowl of dicks"?

SoQDaj dicks vISop.

 

[mrzuzzo]

Lawyer is a boss.

Fuck Allstate!

 

[mercurial]

He's like a Saul Goodman, rage edition.

I lol'ed until I saw that he didn't oppose defendant's motion to dismiss the case with prejudice. Then I lol'ed a little more :laughing

 

[Eldritch]

He's like a Saul Goodman, rage edition.

I lol'ed until I saw that he didn't oppose defendant's motion to dismiss the case with prejudice. Then I lol'ed a little more :laughing

I assume he storms into the bar afterwards shouting, "what bitches want to fuck on my Lambo?"

 

[HappyHighwayman]

Well a lot of people prefer plain language to obtuse legal terminology.

You know threatening to harm people is illegal no matter how you phrase it right?

 

[jdhu]

LOL...what was guy thinking?

 

[Johndicezx9]

You know threatening to harm people is illegal no matter how you phrase it right?

But he was strait to the point.

 

[byke]

You know threatening to harm people is illegal no matter how you phrase it right?

Brandenburg test..?

 

[HappyHighwayman]

Brandenburg test..?

Nope, straight up assault.

An assault is the act of inflicting physical harm or unwanted physical contact upon a person or, in some specific legal definitions, a threat or attempt to commit such an action. It is both a crime and a tort and, therefore, may result in either criminal and/or civil liability. Generally, the common law definition is the same in criminal and tort law.

Threatening to waterboard someone is a clear case of assault, and going "oh just kidding" is not a good defense. Plus the lawyer is showing a pattern of bad decision making.

 

[Removed 3]

That reminds me of the time when someone brought a bowl full of bite sized cookies/candy in the shape of you know whats to a party. I didn't know at the time it was a saying :laughing

 

[Cyclesuzy]

Hahaha we have dealings with that big firm but in general, telling the other side to eat a bag of dicks is a no no.

Years ago I worked for this lady attorney who reminded me of Audrey Hepburn, real class act, never heard her curse once. Opposing counsel told her to fuck herself. She about had an aneurysm. Kept saying it over and over ... "He told ME ... to fuck MYSELF! Not fuck off ... to FUCK myself!" :laughing

 

[mercurial]

Nope, straight up assault.

An assault is the act of inflicting physical harm or unwanted physical contact upon a person or, in some specific legal definitions, a threat or attempt to commit such an action. It is both a crime and a tort and, therefore, may result in either criminal and/or civil liability. Generally, the common law definition is the same in criminal and tort law.

Threatening to waterboard someone is a clear case of assault, and going "oh just kidding" is not a good defense. Plus the lawyer is showing a pattern of bad decision making.

I think the threat generally has to be credible, and actionable. Blowing your top at a depo and being a potty mouth probably doesn't count as assault.