Petty e-Payment stories among 'friends' and acquaintances

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i jut hope you learned from this experience and not make more of these kinds of "friends". so much wasted energy ...

I now make people fill out a questionnaire and provide references

 

[Removed 3]

:laughing tightwads no need to apply

 

[*VillageIdiot*]

Isn't she enjoying your company as well?

Both parties want something (sex or a relationship), so why shouldn't they split the costs?

The expectation that men should pay perpetuates the pre-WWII notion that men are the ones who "hunt" and women just sit on their ass waiting to be found (like as if they don't care about sex or relationships)

It also encourages women to look for guys with money rather than someone they're actually attracted to and compatible with.

Well, I would hope so; however I think in my new experiences, that I find I generally enjoy people.

I understand your verbiage when you say "both parties want something"; I suppose pragmatically if broken down into it's simplest conceptual understanding, that might be an accurate depiction. However, I've found on occasion perhaps something that I feel might be a little more profound, but I'd rather not belabor a conversation that might have mystical connotations that you may not be open to.

I think if you're using recent history and a mighty broad sword, coupled with currently popular opinion your depiction post the Great War (Of our time) might be accurate or resonate with someone indeed. I don't deny the atrocities of mankind, nor it's attempt to relegate the divine feminine to a lesser role; I do however believe it folly to take sampled instances and apply it across the myriads of faiths and cultures unilaterally. In short, I don't agree, I think a broader historical precedence of reverence is to be found if one broadens their vision, and/or study. But I do understand your point.

Does it? I imagine in some cases it might; but again I can't imagine we would necessarily expect a lady who frequents the public house regularly to carry the same substantive volume of depth, as perhaps meeting someone who regularly frequents another venue.

To be honest I don't even like my example here because I believe it to be far too narrow. God knows, in Ireland, i quite regularly have to argue over whom will buy the next round when the turn upon the table sits squarely on one of those of the feminine persuasion; but it's the social norm that all will lay their ownership of their own for the group.

I think "we" Americans often have a tendency to attempt to apply our social norms as universal truth, even regionally within our own Nation the social norms vary; as do variants of what appropriate behavior in courting is considered. I don't think it sets an expectation, or teaches if you will women to look for men with more wealth; quite contrary, I think it sets an expectation that they are indeed valued and this allows them to transcend financial burden in that moment to truly appreciate the value of the individual, as well the moment they are enjoying together.

With that being said, I have other opinions generating around whether the male counterpart, is actually "choosing" anything; but perhaps that's another conversation as it borders conversations that relate to the Preternatural.

Please understand, I'm not disregarding, nor am I attempting to diminish your opinion; I just offer our truths are different. I do appreciate your feedback though, I want to be clear in that; I believe polite discourse creates a collaborative learning environment which broadens perspectives, and in that creates a level of harmony that we should strive for as a people.

 

[cfives]

After reading some of the commentary, I'm still confused how "Gentlemen" allow a lady to pay for anything while on a date; it's such an obscure concept to me. Even in a world where it's quite possible her income is larger, I just can't wrap my head around it; if a woman insisted, I'd just go pay the waiter or bartender directly and politely end the evening.

Perhaps in some misguided way, I still see a Lady's company as my privilege to partake in; with nothing expected, nor owed.

I similarly can not wrap my head around a guy never "allowing" a female to pay for a shared meal, or round of drinks. I don't see that as being generous, or showing appreciation for your dining/drinking partner, but as controlling and disrespectful behavior that infantilzes your partner. Always offering to pay is one thing, but demanding to always pay seems like a weird power trip.

 

[*VillageIdiot*]

I similarly can not wrap my head around a guy never "allowing" a female to pay for a shared meal, or round of drinks. I don't see that as being generous, or showing appreciation for your dining/drinking partner, but as controlling and disrespectful behavior that infantilzes your partner. Always offering to pay is one thing, but demanding to always pay seems like a weird power trip.

That's "A" perspective, and definitely not one I've ever considered. My intent definitely isn't "dominance"; so in that I'll consider that perhaps there is a population globally that would perceive it that way; I recognize that my reality and social circles aren't the entirety of the the population. I suppose I've never had it questioned before, and definitively not in a social setting with the opposite sex in recent history; I have been however called "Old Fashioned" within the last six months or so.

I'd be curious to see, and that will definitely be a conversation I engage going forward.

I appreciate you sharing

 

[antidote]

Recently she asked me what I wanted out of life, and honestly, I had never been asked that. After much thought, and responding I proceeded to take her, well sharpened query and turn it to her.

I ask myself that very question every time I get to work. The answer is very depressing :laughing

Her response was simple, and truly carried a great deal of depth in my mind, she simply responded "To be barefoot". Which I interpreted as "Connected, quiet, peaceful, and resolute in her journey to find balance."

Why didnt you ask her what she meant? You might have put a whole lot more thought into that than they did.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of intermingling finances, but generally I kind of think of that in terms of matrimony; not courting.

Why? It only made sense in the way back when the man was the sole breadwinner and "had" to provide or where there is a massive financial discrepancy in pay scales. Are you courting unemployed partners?

 

[*VillageIdiot*]

I ask myself that very question every time I get to work. The answer is very depressing :laughing

:laughing

Why didnt you ask her what she meant? You might have put a whole lot more thought into that than they did.

I did indeed, and I was a might closer than I would have thought

Why? It only made sense in the way back when the man was the sole breadwinner and "had" to provide or where there is a massive financial discrepancy in pay scales. Are you courting unemployed partners?

I suppose because I don't know another way, and I have never considered another way. I was asked this however, just yesterday evening in chat.

I think my general answer was; it only made sense to me that in matrimony two people choosing to join their lives would have common financial goals. Then again, I grew up in an environment where the Matriarch of the household generally controlled the purse strings. This seems pretty consistent with those with whom I've had the recent opportunity to spend time with.

 

[Removed 3]

That's "A" perspective, and definitely not one I've ever considered. My intent definitely isn't "dominance"; so in that I'll consider that perhaps there is a population globally that would perceive it that way; I recognize that my reality and social circles aren't the entirety of the the population. I suppose I've never had it questioned before, and definitively not in a social setting with the opposite sex in recent history; I have been however called "Old Fashioned" within the last six months or so.

within the last 6 months on barf or out there in the real world? it's kinda weird to hear you say that. did you just start to socialize again 6 months ago? Do men in the U.K. today still hold customs of paying for everything during courtship or is that uniquely you?

Why didnt you ask her what she meant? You might have put a whole lot more thought into that than they did.

or maybe she just hates socks and shoes

If you just asked her what she meant, maybe she was not as deep as you thought she was, but then again she could be ... is the reason because you wanted to walk away with that notion in your head because you wanted to perpetuate that mystery about her?

I think my general answer was; it only made sense to me that in matrimony two people choosing to join their lives would have common financial goals. Then again, I grew up in an environment where the Matriarch of the household generally controlled the purse strings. This seems pretty consistent with those with whom I've had the recent opportunity to spend time with.

Did you like the simplicity of what it was like before (e.g., this is how it is) or would you prefer to start fresh with a different set of variables? Today is not like it was a generation ago. Nowhere does it say you have to combine your net pay into one single account in matrimony or not ...

 

[*VillageIdiot*]

within the last 6 months on barf or out there in the real world? it's kinda weird to hear you say that. did you just start to socialize again 6 months ago? Do men in the U.K. today still hold customs of paying for everything during courtship or is that uniquely you?

I think larger populations of people conduct themselves in ways that would probably be familiar to anywhere; since I keep my socializing and adventures to more rural regions perhaps my view has a slant that is shaped by my own vision. You keep saying UK and indeed, I've spent time there; however I think for clarification, I've been in and out of Europe a great deal.

If you just asked her what she meant, maybe she was not as deep as you thought she was, but then again she could be ... is the reason because you wanted to walk away with that notion in your head because you wanted to perpetuate that mystery about her?

Wonderful question and I wish I had actually walked away without her explanation now that you mention it. But no we've discussed her end game of "Barefoot" in depth, and indeed it was fascinating; it's my hope to be able to do so again. What I found more fascinating was her interrogatives; it was as if she had some innate ability to sift through the nonsense that corrupts my clarity and show it to me. Definitively a fine young lady, with a great deal of substance.

Did you like the simplicity of what it was like before (e.g., this is how it is) or would you prefer to start fresh with a different set of variables? Today is not like it was a generation ago. Nowhere does it say you have to combine your net pay into one single account in matrimony or not ...

I don't know, and it's a fine question. I'd have to examine that further before I answered; a question like this doesn't deserve an instinctive answer.

within the last 6 months on barf or out there in the real world? it's kinda weird to hear you say that.

I'll address this question individually, because it caught my attention. Definitely in person, I've learned to believe that without direct contact there is a lack of synthesis between two people; perhaps even a society.

Why is it odd for you to hear me say that?

 

[Removed 3]

Wonderful question and I wish I had actually walked away without her explanation now that you mention it. But no we've discussed her end game of "Barefoot" in depth, and indeed it was fascinating; it's my hope to be able to do so again. What I found more fascinating was her interrogatives; it was as if she had some innate ability to sift through the nonsense that corrupts my clarity and show it to me. Definitively a fine young lady, with a great deal of substance.

I'll address this question individually, because it caught my attention. Definitely in person, I've learned to believe that without direct contact there is a lack of synthesis between two people; perhaps even a society.

Why is it odd for you to hear me say that?

sorry, i was wrong to interpret that you are in the UK and you have only been in the UK. i was wondering what kind of influence being overseas had on your perception of how to behave when you are courting someone. i was assembling what little i have read from your posts; i don't go into every subforum nor read every thread.


sometimes i read too quickly and miss things in peoples posts. so you did delve into the "barefoot" response? it sounds like this lady is someone who strikes your fancy. i wish you the best with that!


why did i find it odd that you say in the past 6 months, people have called you old fashioned? well, i would expect that if you hold certain rules for courtship the same for many years/decades, that you would not be receiving that comment only within the past 6 months. i don't know, it seems odd to me, but it is not important ...

and thank you for responding to my questions. i just wanted to get a better understanding of your world view. you are very unique in the way you post and communicate ...

 

[*VillageIdiot*]

sorry, i was wrong to interpret that you are in the UK and you have only been in the UK. i was assembling what little i have read from your posts; i don't go into every subforum nor read every thread.


sometimes i read too quickly and miss things in peoples posts. so you did delve into the "barefoot" response? it sounds like this lady is someone who strikes your fancy. i wish you the best with that!


why did i find it odd that you say in the past 6 months, people have called you old fashioned? well, i would expect that if you hold certain rules for courtship the same for many years/decades, that you would not be receiving that comment only within the past 6 months. i don't know, it seems odd to me, but it is not important ...

and thank you for responding to my questions. i just wanted to get a better understanding of your world view. you are very unique in the way you post and communicate ...

No, No, the questions are phenomenal; I appreciate them truly, anything that allows me to face the man in the mirror I believe is quite healthy. Truly I appreciate the dialogue.

To address the young lady. It's my intent to go home to the States; perhaps my roots won't remain permanent in California, but I intend to build some semblance of a normal life; I'm not sure in what fashion, nor what that looks like other than an end state. Perhaps if my time wasn't so short here then I might consider something else; but I don't think it's fair to become romantically involved in a 'partial' way, it would seem a bit like thievery of innocence and trust. At my age, I've done that before; though I'm not proud to admit it, and in that I'm not willing to do so again.

I say the last six months, because I don't believe I ever really allowed myself to engage with a woman in a meaningful way other than surface conversation for the aforementioned reasons. I needed a great deal of self contemplation and to find a peace within my own turmoil if you will. I've found that I think, or at least I've found a path to it, which allows me to even in a non Romantic way to allow myself to appreciate the majesty each of us in mankind offer. Even through the ever popular facade of cynicism, there is substance. Pain is a funny thing, it creates something noble within us; something stronger, something wise.

I imagine I'm not special in the way I write correspondence, I just have a tendency to as I said "Talk around the tree to find the point". Truly I blather on for hours about almost nothing :laughing

But I appreciate the compliment.

 

[Reli]

Well, I would hope so; however I think in my new experiences, that I find I generally enjoy people.

I understand your verbiage when you say "both parties want something"; I suppose pragmatically if broken down into it's simplest conceptual understanding, that might be an accurate depiction. However, I've found on occasion perhaps something that I feel might be a little more profound, but I'd rather not belabor a conversation that might have mystical connotations that you may not be open to.

I think if you're using recent history and a mighty broad sword, coupled with currently popular opinion your depiction post the Great War (Of our time) might be accurate or resonate with someone indeed. I don't deny the atrocities of mankind, nor it's attempt to relegate the divine feminine to a lesser role; I do however believe it folly to take sampled instances and apply it across the myriads of faiths and cultures unilaterally. In short, I don't agree, I think a broader historical precedence of reverence is to be found if one broadens their vision, and/or study. But I do understand your point.

Does it? I imagine in some cases it might; but again I can't imagine we would necessarily expect a lady who frequents the public house regularly to carry the same substantive volume of depth, as perhaps meeting someone who regularly frequents another venue.

To be honest I don't even like my example here because I believe it to be far too narrow. God knows, in Ireland, i quite regularly have to argue over whom will buy the next round when the turn upon the table sits squarely on one of those of the feminine persuasion; but it's the social norm that all will lay their ownership of their own for the group.

I think "we" Americans often have a tendency to attempt to apply our social norms as universal truth, even regionally within our own Nation the social norms vary; as do variants of what appropriate behavior in courting is considered. I don't think it sets an expectation, or teaches if you will women to look for men with more wealth; quite contrary, I think it sets an expectation that they are indeed valued and this allows them to transcend financial burden in that moment to truly appreciate the value of the individual, as well the moment they are enjoying together.

With that being said, I have other opinions generating around whether the male counterpart, is actually "choosing" anything; but perhaps that's another conversation as it borders conversations that relate to the Preternatural.

Please understand, I'm not disregarding, nor am I attempting to diminish your opinion; I just offer our truths are different. I do appreciate your feedback though, I want to be clear in that; I believe polite discourse creates a collaborative learning environment which broadens perspectives, and in that creates a level of harmony that we should strive for as a people.

So uh...….. I guess we agree to disagree :laughing

I suppose since men are "usually" the ones who ask the girl out (at least for the first couple dates), it might seem natural that he would pay......but after that.....

 

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i noticed a commercial on tv recently. a scene at a restaurant, a young woman sends an e-payment fund to her date across the table. right off the bat, what would your reaction be, if someone you went out on a date with did that unexpectedly? too eager to prove she is independent? is fair? contemporary? or a turn off?

 

[aminalmutha]

i noticed a commercial on tv recently. a scene at a restaurant, a young woman sends an e-payment fund to her date across the table. right off the bat, what would your reaction be, if someone you went out on a date with did that unexpectedly? too eager to prove she is independent? is fair? contemporary? or a turn off?

You know you’re not gonna PIIDB.

 

[*VillageIdiot*]

So uh...….. I guess we agree to disagree :laughing

I suppose since men are "usually" the ones who ask the girl out (at least for the first couple dates), it might seem natural that he would pay......but after that.....

From where I sit, I think it's perfectly acceptable to "agree to disagree"

Honestly, I think sharing perspective provides good collaborative learning, understand, and harmony. Thank you very much though for having the fortitude to engage in a conversation with a "walk away" that leaves us both friends

i noticed a commercial on tv recently. a scene at a restaurant, a young woman sends an e-payment fund to her date across the table. right off the bat, what would your reaction be, if someone you went out on a date with did that unexpectedly? too eager to prove she is independent? is fair? contemporary? or a turn off?

I'm not sure I would know how to react, I guess I would just roll with it, and after engaging in conversation in this thread, as her perspective and try and relate. I haven't experienced something like this, so I'd be afraid to expound, or imagine how I might feel.

 

[SVJ]

I want my $2

 

[Eldritch]

I am old. I do not want these apps. I carry Cash.

 

[wazzuFreddo]

I am old. I do not want these apps. I carry Cash.

Cash rules everything around me, CREAM, get the money, dolla dolla bill y’all.

 

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Yeah I'm not going to meet a small group at a restaurant without bringing cash.
One dude in a group I used to meet with would never being cash and would say he'll put the total on his card and collect the cash on the table.
Then screw around for what seemed twice as long as it should take to figure out who paid what and usually conclude the tip was too big. I think he was basically trying to get out of his share by just putting on his card only the amount of cash everyone else paid.
Basically we were all tipping him instead of the waitress. It was always annoying but what can ya do.

 

[wazzuFreddo]

What can you do?

You can start by telling to quit being which a cheap ass bastard. Don’t come if you don’t want to pay your share.