Anyone here date someone with BPD?

Agent Orange

Agent Orange

The b0y ninja
Met a girl I used to work with. Started hanging out and one thing led to another. We've only been dating since October and were never really official. (according to her). To make a long story short she'd have these mood swings where things are going fine and dandy one minute and next thing you know she would totally act all moody and disengaged like something was bothering her. The 2nd time it happened, (where she abruptly just stopped wanting to hang out with me) I told her that she needed to do something about it and that if she didn't that it would happen again. She came over to my house crying and saying sorry. It worked.

Well low and behold earlier this week she started acting all moody again. We were supposed to have a date night last night but she called it off without any reason. Finally I had enough and told her we needed a break. That was when she went off on me, giving me guilt trips and sobbing. She came over at night ringing my door bell for close to 2 hours. Apparently because I blocked her after some abusive texts she thought I might've "done" something to myself. Finally she reached through email and I told her I was fine and she took off.

I feel like I'm the villain here. I feel terrible. I didn't dump her because she was a bad person, or that I didn't like her. I ended because I felt for it to continue only would've made things worse for both of us. I still care about her.

And for the record she isn't officially diagnosed. I just did some research and found similar stories to mine online. Your thoughts?
 
afm199

afm199

Well-known member
Bad Personal Donk? Bitter Puerile Displays? Bound Penis Dalliances?

Or bucketful of crazy? There's a reason those are single.

If you enjoy this kind of labile behavior, go for it. Don't expect it to change. Otherwise do everything you can to get out of it. When start coming over to your place to engage in stagecraft, it's time to run.
 
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Agent Orange

Agent Orange

The b0y ninja
I would also like to add after all this time she finds me untrustworthy and accuses me for so "for checking out other girls".

Despite repeated assurances that I wasn't cheating on her or of the such. I just bought us tickets to Hamilton and introduced you to some of my closest friends for beer and pizza. Why would you still find me untrustworthy at this point!?
 
augustiron

augustiron

2fast 2live 2young 2die
Agent Orange said:
I would also like to add after all this time she finds me untrustworthy and accuses me for so "for checking out other girls".

Despite repeated assurances that I wasn't cheating on her or of the such. I just bought us tickets to Hamilton and introduced you to some of my closest friends for beer and pizza. Why would you still find me untrustworthy at this point!?
Click to expand...

Haha. Holy red flag batman.
I have two long time close friends who dated women that never trusted them. They each spent years spoiling them, adjusting every facet of their life to remove any possible suspicion or potential for doubt, enduring periodic meltdowns, battles and unfounded accusations. In the end both were miserable and wasted all their time trying to fix something they can't fix.

Some folks will just never trust, be it how they are wired or some past trauma. You can try and be "the nice guy" who will show them men can be trusted, and it may work out in the long run. Odds are you will waste your time and suffer.

People have to want to "fix" themselves, don't take on a project. Life is too short. You want to feel good about rescuing someone, go rescue an old dog from a shelter.
 
Blankpage

Blankpage

alien
Agent Orange said:
I would also like to add after all this time she finds me untrustworthy and accuses me for so "for checking out other girls".

Despite repeated assurances that I wasn't cheating on her or of the such. I just bought us tickets to Hamilton and introduced you to some of my closest friends for beer and pizza. Why would you still find me untrustworthy at this point!?
Click to expand...

Its can be harder than you think to walk from someone after 6 months. I dated two different girls that knew I "checked out" other girls. They both were logical in admitting that men can't turn off being men and just looking at babes doesn't mean you're going to do anything behind their back.
There isn't a man alive thats not going to check out the babes when walking along a beach or through a mall or airport. Same thing with women, they look also, maybe not as much as men but don't kid yourself that it doesn't happen.
 
Agent Orange

Agent Orange

The b0y ninja
Honestly I dont even know what sets her off. The first time she went off on me, it was because she caught me making comments on other girls Instagram accounts. I owned up to that one, I told her it was disrespectful and I apologized and it hasn't happened since. But since then I dont know what constitutes me "checking out other girls". Is it because I made a comment on a long time personal friends account? Started following a female martial artist because she shares the same hobby that I do?

What happens if I tell her one day that Im going to the strip club for a bachelor party? Or she sees me at a wedding dancing with a female friend that Ive known for 10+ years? I dont know, because she never bothers to tell me. I openly told her that before that if she is thinking of going the nuclear option, to talk to me. Instead all she did was shut me out.
 
Ogier le Danois

Ogier le Danois

Well-known member
Folks with BPD never get better. It is a disease that can be managed, but she will never be free of it.

Her perceptions and reactions are not founded in reality. Nothing you are doing is the problem.

If you stay with her you would have to accept this. I wouldn't be able to handle it in a long term relationship or marriage.
 
Blankpage

Blankpage

alien
afm199 said:
If you enjoy this kind of labile behavior, go for it. Don't expect it to change. Otherwise do everything you can to get out of it. When start coming over to your place to engage in stagecraft, it's time to run.
Click to expand...

OP I would guess this isn't likely the answer you wanted to hear just from the fact that you start this thread but in short term or long term this is the right answer. I suspect you will later look back with regret if you do anything but this. Especially the first time you find a rock through your windshield.
 
rodr

rodr

Well-known member
Helping a mentally ill person may feel noble now, but trust me it will be a thankless task that only makes you miserable. Run.
 
Lex Talionis

Lex Talionis

Inciteful
Blankpage said:
Its can be harder than you think to walk from someone after 6 months. I dated two different girls that knew I "checked out" other girls. They both were logical in admitting that men can't turn off being men and just looking at babes doesn't mean you're going to do anything behind their back.
There isn't a man alive thats not going to check out the babes when walking along a beach or through a mall or airport. Same thing with women, they look also, maybe not as much as men but don't kid yourself that it doesn't happen.
Click to expand...
If there was a particularly stunning example of female architecture nearby, my wife would point her out to me in case I missed her. I would do the same for a beefcake. For us, they were just scenery.

Lex
 
nbean16

nbean16

The Art of Seduction
You know all you need to. This will get worse not better. Ive dated very similar. Get out no matter how much you like her.
 
Blankpage

Blankpage

alien
Yeah girls on meds, god bless them but I don't want them, well not for anymore than a night or two.
Yeah I accept that they may not want me either, and that's just fine.
 
corpsedub

corpsedub

moto's are meditation
Probably not BPD. There are generally three types of BPD. Most people only have a single episode every year or so. Some people have an episode more frequently, like 4-6 months. Some people have an episode every 3 months or less. Its not really mood swings. Its a complete change of character. Some bi polars are hyper sexual, some spend money like crazy. Its not just jealousy or aggitation. Thats not bi polar..
 
Eldritch

Eldritch

is insensitive
Agent Orange said:
Met a girl I used to work with. Started hanging out and one thing led to another. We've only been dating since October and were never really official. (according to her). To make a long story short she'd have these mood swings where things are going fine and dandy one minute and next thing you know she would totally act all moody and disengaged like something was bothering her. The 2nd time it happened, (where she abruptly just stopped wanting to hang out with me) I told her that she needed to do something about it and that if she didn't that it would happen again. She came over to my house crying and saying sorry. It worked.

Well low and behold earlier this week she started acting all moody again. We were supposed to have a date night last night but she called it off without any reason. Finally I had enough and told her we needed a break. That was when she went off on me, giving me guilt trips and sobbing. She came over at night ringing my door bell for close to 2 hours. Apparently because I blocked her after some abusive texts she thought I might've "done" something to myself. Finally she reached through email and I told her I was fine and she took off.

I feel like I'm the villain here. I feel terrible. I didn't dump her because she was a bad person, or that I didn't like her. I ended because I felt for it to continue only would've made things worse for both of us. I still care about her.

And for the record she isn't officially diagnosed. I just did some research and found similar stories to mine online. Your thoughts?
Click to expand...

Yes, I have.

You did the right thing for both of you by getting out. If this kind of shit doesn't just make early emotional sense to you, you aren't doing anybody any favors by trying to be a tough guy and sticking around through it for as long as you are able to endure.

Trust me.
 
sanjuro

sanjuro

Rider
Put it this way.

Let's say this was just a friend, one that you met 6 months ago. If this person behaved this way, would you put up with it?

Conversely, it sounds like you are fairly supportive of your sorta-girlfriend. Do you treat her the same way she is treating you? Would you rather be with someone that will treat you as well as you treat her?

And the final thing is this: you can't help her.
 
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