Modest Proposals
The month of December saw not just the unleashing of Stormageddon 2014 (AKA “some rain”) but also yet another lane splitting bill. Here we go again.
I’ve talked myself blue in the face, repeating things like “If we don’t educate our fellow riders and self-regulate somehow, the assholes that feel the need to split way too fast are going to ruin it for all of us.” Some riders agree and try to split nicely, and some riders keep splitting like assholes. So here it is—more lane splitting legislation. Again.
But I’m not interested in talking (even more) about the “let’s stop splitting like jackasses so we can keep splitting” thing again. Right now, I’m more concerned with how certain factions in the motorcycling community respond to this kind of stuff, and specifically how they’re responding to AB51.
I know it’s quite fashionable to sing these pseudo-libertarian, inspirational classics like “we don’t need no stinking new laws” and “let me make my own choices!” While I certainly don’t want a law that regulates lane splitting, I want lane splitting to stay around. I’ve long said the concept of a “grey area” on lane splitting was complete horseshit—what’s not illegal is legal—but there are real reasons having an actual law on the books would probably make it harder to outlaw splitting. If you’re about to say something really smart like, “They just want this law so they can outlaw it! First they regulate speed, and then they take it away!” I urge you to please shut the fuck up, because that’s nonsense. Seriously—lane splitting motorcyclists are such a tiny, poorly organized minority that if anyone really wanted to ban splitting, we’d have a hell of a fight on our hands already.
Want proof? Check out the whopping 6,000-ish signatures on the current petition to legalize splitting—oops, I mean sharing—nationwide. Nationwide, people: six thousand signatures. We may as well pack our panniers and move to France, where—whatever your position on Freedom Fries—you must agree that the motorcyclists give a shit and actually act.
So how do we respond when a legislator proposes a bill that would explicitly legalize lane splitting? We—incredibly—call it an ANTI lane splitting bill. We call Quirk names, nice ones like “miserable cager,” as well other not-so-nice ones, as if that’s gonna engender some discussion and make Quirk (and other legislators) feel like sitting down with us to talk things over.
The MROs that supposedly represent us immediately start with bullshit extremist “cold dead hands” kind of talk, saying the bill must die by any means necessary, and then just days later are talking about how they’re meeting with Quirk to discuss amendments. I’m 100% on board with meeting Quirk to see if we can work something out; I’m not on board with asinine sword-rattling when everyone knows nothing will come of that.
Note that I say “we,” because just as with splitting, where the average driver remembers the turd that clips their mirror at 70+ MPH, legislators probably remember the loud-mouthed caricatures of activists, so eager to take the hard line immediately to “prove a point.”
I’ll say it again, because I know some of you are already getting ready to accuse me of traitorous support of AB51—I’m not in favor of a law. But AB51 is a modest proposal from Assemblyman Quirk, one we should look at and discuss without rancor and insult. And here’s my modest proposal: motorcyclists, please stop being such fucking assholes, on the road and in general.