Things kids say that make you go wtf

[Buloong]

My son once saw this long car while walking with me on the street and he asked me what it was. I told him it called a limousine. Then the other day, while he was doing potty in the bathroom, he went "oh daddy, look, a limousine penis". Next thing I knew, coffee was allover myself. He was almost 3.

 

[}Dragon{]

My step son was in fifth grade and we signed the permission slip for "sex ed".

So, he gets home from School and I asked, what did they teach you?

He says, well I learned about that thing I get every mourning...

I said- what's that?

He said; Dad- I found out, it's called an erosion!

:rofl

 

[CABilly]

My step son was in fifth grade and we signed the permission slip for "sex ed".

So, he gets home from School and I asked, what did they teach you?

He says, well I learned about that thing I get every mourning...

I said- what's that?

He said; Dad- I found out, it's called an erosion!

:rofl

That boy ain't right :wtf

 

[}Dragon{]

That boy ain't right :wtf

Morning. The spellchick didn't ketch it.

 

[Poxy]

I was making my 9 year old daughter's bed, and my 3 year old said, "Daddy, what the fuck are you doing?"

...and I thought to myself "Yeah what the fuck AM I doing?"

 

[auntiebling]

I was making my 9 year old daughter's bed, and my 3 year old said, "Daddy, what the fuck are you doing?"

...and I thought to myself "Yeah what the fuck AM I doing?"

which reminds me of our household policy on swearing:

if it's in context, you won't get in trouble. curse words are part of the lexicon afterall... of course if you use it outside the house the consequences are on you, ya little turd.

 

[CHUM]

4 year old Nephew: What's in peanut butter?

Dad: Peanuts

Nephew: THIS! (points to crotch)

Dad: No! not Penis....PEANUTS.

 

[mikev]

Driving down I5 to LA, as we passed the Anderson's Pea Soup sign, I started talking with my ex about how I wasn't really a fan of Pea Soup.

My oldest, who was 7 or 8 at the time, had the grossest look on his face and asked me "Is it really made out of pee????"

 

[JackTheTripper]

6 year old twin nephew on X-mas morning. They had already opened a number of presents which once the paper was ripped off you could see the packaging and know what it was.

Each grabs another present, one a smaller one, one the largest one in the pile. Both tear into them. The one with the smaller one gets his open first and with a fair amount of excitement informs the room that it is a Lego Harry Potter set. The second still working at his keeps ripping and ripping revealing more and more of a large, unmarked cardboard box. Finally he get's the last of the paper off, looks over the box from one end to another, ten looks around the room and screams with the excitement of someone who just won the lottery "IT'S A BOX!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

[Gixxergirl1000]

My god-daughter was 2. I had taken her grocery shopping. She looked so much like me back then, everyone always thought she was my daughter when her mother and I went out with her. I loved it when people thought she was my daughter!
So she's in the shopping cart, and we're checking out at the grocery store. I'm up by the register, and there's this sweet little old lady, probably in her 70's, who's standing in front of Rachael. She looks at Rachael, and says "Oh my! Aren't you a lovely little girl!"
Rachael gives her the most darling smile EVAR, and says "Bitch!"
The little old lady goes :wtf
I go: :wow :facepalm :|
First words out of my mouth... "she's my god-daughter... I didn't teach her that..."
Pretty embarrassing... :laughing

 

[tonedeaf]

:rofl :rofl :rofl keep 'em coming! I'm dying...

 

[ALANRIDER7]

When I was 6, my mom rinsed my mouth out with soap for swearing.

I said "Mom, this fucking soap tastes like shit."

 

[wannabe]

I used to baby sit my friend's son. She was a single mom, and she had a female room mate. So, the little boy rarely had a male influence in his life. One day when he was 4, I decided to bring him to the Children's Discovery Museum. He was carrying a spankin new Hot Wheels backpack that his grandmother got for him. We sat down for lunch with the kid on one side of me and his backpack on the other side of me. At one point, he wanted to play with one of the cars in his backpack, so we had this little exchange:

Mike: "Aris..."
Aris: "Yeah, Mike?"
Mike: "Can you please hand me my purse?"
Aris: "Um, you mean your backpack, right?"
Mike: "No, it's my purse."
Aris: "No, it's your backpack."
Mike: "OK, it's my backpack..."
Mike: "Aris..."
Aris: "Yeah, Mike?"
Mike: "Can you please hand me my purse?"

 

[Zerox]

Morning. The spellchick didn't ketch it.

You had it right the first time, lots of male barfers (not me!) are prolly in mourning about their flaccid erosion. :laughing

This thread is rather amusing. The old lady getting called a bish had me rolling.

 

[westie]

My daughter was about 5. She looked at me and asked,"Who's Gods Mom?"

When she was arround 2 she got back from a weekend at Grandma's. She was walking across the room and dropped her bottle. She pointed at it and remarked,"Son of a Bitch!" I looked at the wife and we agreed, she did use it in the right context.:laughing

 

[zphreak]

My daughter and I stopped for dinner one night when she was about 5 or 6 and living with her mom. When the waitress went to take her order, she said she wanted the Spaghetti with Marijuana sauce. I got the strangest look from the waitress. I quickly said that I just picked her up from her mom's house for my weekend.

 

[Stormdragon]

Guy I used to share office space with, had a two year old boy. (note the emphasis) If you looked at him, and said: "Matt, how old are you?" His answer was always, (at the top of his lungs) "Two old!"

Cracked me up every time. :rofl

 

[Dubbington]

Testing a 1st grade girl: "How old are you?"

Me "Umm...31"

Girl "You should find a girl and have babies"

Testing a different 1st grade girl

"Do you have a girlfriend? Oh...I'm not asking for me. You're invited to my birthday party and you can meet my mom"

 

[Ogier le Danois]

My nephew 2 1/2 was taught a ton of bad words in English and Tagalog by his teenage Auntie on the the other side of the family. My brother was not to happy and told Dominic that he didn't like him saying those words, but he must never say the worst two bad bad words. " Johnny Cash" and "Elvis Presley".

Now whenever my nephew spills or drops something he mutters "Johnny Cashes!" Whenever he has an audience he will blurt " Elvis Presrey!" And look for reactions

 

[wannabe]

My nephew 2 1/2 was taught a ton of bad words in English and Tagalog by his teenage Auntie on the the other side of the family. My brother was not to happy and told Dominic that he didn't like him saying those words, but he must never say the worst two bad bad words. " Johnny Cash" and "Elvis Presley".

Now whenever my nephew spills or drops something he mutters "Johnny Cashes!" Whenever he has an audience he will blurt " Elvis Presrey!" And look for reactions

Your brother is an Elvis Presley genius!!!