Question about VOP

[OneRedLT4]

First sorry for the long and maybe over-detailed read, but I thought the events leading up to the question at hand would have bearing on opinions.
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I'm referencing THIS THREAD

When the Mrs came home from her 3 week vacation at the MADC(?) one of the changes was that her truck was no longer in the garage, but outside on the driveway. I bought a cover for it, and explained that aside from her not being there, if she's not driving, why should I deal with the rain, overcast weather, etc so I put car in garage.

Now either the night she came home and or the next day she twice asked about the current situation and how it affects her needing to drive the truck. I was floored, I couldn't believe I was hearing it. I ended up pulling the starter and ignition fuse out to keep it from running.

Fast forward to now and she's been out since the 29th of Aug and after those two instances, she hasn't even looked at the truck, has been bicycling to bus stops, taking the bus, walking, what ever she has to in order to take care of her self induced commitments. I have been actually proud and happy that she was showing this change. Wasn't changing my decision to divorce and move, but I helped when I could without sacrificing my income further.

Now yesterday there was a family BBQ in Hidden Valley that her sister (who hasn't spoken to her for more than a year because of this DUI stuff) invited her to and ensured there will be no alcohol. She ask me if I'd be willing to drive her and her kids, but I said I didn't want to since 1) last time we went there for a family event, she hid her drinking and almost killed us driving home crossing the DY against traffic, and 2) after this latest DUI I'm not allowed to have my kids at home because they aren't allowed to be around her and it's a bad taste in my mouth.

A week before the event, I inform her that my mom is going to Spain the week when I should have them and she usually takes them. She asked if the same day as her family thing and I confirmed. So last Friday, the day before, she again asks if I'd take her and say that again I can't. Anger ensues, I get the "from here on out you don't need to know where I'm going and who I'm with to get there.

That evening the war starts. I get a text saying, "You need to call me back quickly", which should mean there's some emergency. I call and she's angry asking me what I did to her truck or if I did something to it. Immediately I said no, but then within a moment said oh yeah, when you first came home because.... She says, "You have 30 minutes to get home and fix it or I'll start taking apart you stuff" and she hangs up.

Call back, no answer. Text goes back and forth and basically she only puts out demands and I only ask that she tells me she's not going to drive it. I also informer that I have had a drink (literally two swigs, but I have a prior DUI so it's zero tolerence) and tell her that, which of coarse doesn't make a difference. Tell her if she says she's not going to drive, I'll get a ride over and fix it. Nothing.

Next morning her truck is in the garage, says that eventually I'll figure out what she did to my motorcycle(s) and probably won't be able to fix it myself. She justifies this by the fact she chose to call a late night mechanic to diagnose and fix her truck. That I "tampered" "damaged" "broke" her property.

Today (Saturday) when I got back to the house around 6:30, she and her truck are gone.

So that's the recent history which is the backstory to my question. Regarding the facts that:
1) I shouldn't have driven home because she demanded it, but I do stand to lose even more if she gets popped yet again, and therefore only wanted to hear that she wasn't driving;
2) Only pulled two fuses that were right in front of my tool box and could have talked her in to putting them back in;
3) She has taken my only key to my '05 GSXR 1k and locked the steering before doing so and shows no sign of returning it.

She made mention that I am on probation as well so if I call the police, I'm calling them on myself as well, because we are not supposed to have any issues involving the police. This reaction stems from me telling her that given the facts I can't get there at that time to fix the truck and if she is going to mess with my things, I will show up with the police (she also threw out a bunch of, what I think are, bluffs regarding her calling them and asking questions.

So the question, though an extreme, I can't believe someone can break in to my house and if I call the police, I get popped. But with this situation, where I'm fairly certain most the officers know who she is and her history, and would understand why I pulled the fuses and why I couldn't drop everything to get there, I wouldn't be in VOP.

Would I?

I really didn't want this, things have been going well and if anyone had said something negative about her current situation, I'd have (and had) jumped to her defense because of her efforts. But now, it looks like the same old thing and I feel trapped against her threats, because she will follow through with them.

 

[msethhunter]

Call the fucking cops on her. She's driving and not supposed to be, right? When/if your probation officer asks (do you have one, or are you on summary probation), "So here's what happened."

I'm not a LEO, but I also have common sense. Common sense says you need to call.

 

[OneRedLT4]

I don't know that she is driving other than pulling vehicle into the garage from the driveway. I don't have a probation officer, only a DUI from about 3 years ago, and the probation surrounding that is what I don't want to mess with. I just want to get the bikes out of there and in storage or something.

I guess the bottom line is, if I file a complaint about her stealing and probably disposing of the key with no real proof, and she turns around and claims I tampered with her vehicle, will they just look at it as a dispute and not do anything about it and I'm in violation having involoved the police?

Come to think of it, with just the one first DUI, is that even part of MY probation? Or hers because of the three? If no alcohol is involved, I'm wondering if maybe I don't have anything to worry about.

 

[msethhunter]

I don't know that she is driving other than pulling vehicle into the garage from the driveway. I don't have a probation officer, only a DUI from about 3 years ago, and the probation surrounding that is what I don't want to mess with. I just want to get the bikes out of there and in storage or something.

Doesn't the order people are given when convicted of a DUI say not to operate a motor vehicle? Do you honestly believe she called out a mobile mechanic to just make it run so she could move it? Do you have any text messages that state she was going to mess with your bikes?

 

[OneRedLT4]

Hmm, IDK where the line is drawn on that, that would make it easy as she probably wouldn't hesitate to admit to at least starting the vehicle to "make sure it operates".
She thought it out first, Initial contact was a phone call where she said I have 30 minutes to get there and fix it or she'll "start taking apart" my stuff. After that, the texts from her are like she is talking with someone else, not addressing my questions, etc.

The next morning she was trying to be sneaky by using phone to record conversation without my knowledge only showing it when i said I had pulled the fuse to keep her from driving.

I'm just know thinking, with the truck there in the garage, I can't get to boxes and my stuff in the rafters unless she moves it. I'm sure she thought of that. God she creates a nightmare.

 

[Shaggy]

DUI probation can have different conditions from things like "No operating a motor vehicle" to "Do not drive unless licensed and insured" to "Submit person/property to search/seizure". Without looking at yours and her probation paperwork, it would be nearly impossible to tell what the probation conditions are.

Since she has several DUIs, she might even be on county probation and not just DMV probation which would be typical of a first time DUI offender.

As for the vehicle tampering thing... I think any reasonable person would think you were acting in everyone's best interest, but technically you still don't have the right to tamper with another person's vehicle.

You wouldn't get in trouble just for calling the police for assistance. If there was a crime that was brought to the attention of LE during the time you were there, you may get in trouble.

If there were any other questions in your posts that I didn't address let me know and I'll be glad to answer. The posts were a little long and I kinda lost my train of thought.

 

[motomania2007]

1) this is an issue for a restraining order. Get one, have her kicked out. She can live in her truck.

Be done with her.

2) Be done with her. Stop interacting with her at all. She is a mess and is screwing up your already complicated life (divorce, child visitation, dui probation, damage to your stuff...)

3) do it now, not tomorrow, not next week, get the restraining order now. Rip that bandage off no matter how much it hurts because the delay will just make it hurt worse an do longer term damage to you and your kids.

4) Do you want your kids to grow up thinking it is ok for their Dad to be treated this way?

5) Do you want your kids to grow up thinking all this negative, unnecessary drama is the normal way to live life?

6) Do you want your kids to grow up and seek out opportunities to be abusers or abuse victims as that is "normal" for relationships?

This is the behavior your are modeling for them and what you are setting them up for.

Think and do ONLY about what best for your kids.

 

[NorCalBusa]

I loathe the kid card being played. Do it for yourself- its all the reason you need.

 

[motomania2007]

I loathe the kid card being played. Do it for yourself- its all the reason you need.

I have volunteered around dv programs for years and been through several dv help training programs.

Those that are in it are addicted to the sick cycle of the drama.

I have seen it time after time. They don't really see it as a problem. Because it is their "normal".

As a result, they will not do it for themselves, although you are correct, that is the only reason they really need but that is usually not enough to get them to actually make the changes that are needed.

What often helps is getting them to realize what they are teaching their kids and as a result, continuing the sickening cycle of negative drama and violence into the next generation and very likelt into the next generation after that and beyond...

If they would do it for themselves, they already would have done it.

They need more motivation.

 

[IBYS]

Get... Away... From... Her...

What does she add to your life?

This is not anything you haven't heard from the leo/barf community before. A wise friend once said... play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

Best of luck, kids learn about 80% from what they witness from those they trust. 20% from what their told.

 

[KrustyKruser]

I reccomend to cut and run. Also check your bikes engine oil for sand and your gas tank for sugar or some other substances in either if she followed through with her threat. Best of luck to you. See you on the roads.

 

[zphreak]

As hard as it is, a restraining order is what needs to be done. Put your kids first, they don't need to be around the drama. They're going to need some counseling after all of this.

I've been through this with my ex but she was using meth.

1) this is an issue for a restraining order. Get one, have her kicked out. She can live in her truck.

Be done with her.

Think and do ONLY about what best for your kids.

 

[bojangle]

Yes. Like everyone else.

Restraining Order, child custody order, divorce, severely limit contact to only when required. Better to have a witness present during any contact. Leave her stuff alone. You're not responsible for her bad decisions. If she drives drunk, that's on her, not you. Don't intervene unless the kids safety is at stake. Just call the police, even anonymously, if she's about to drive impaired.

I'm not sure about your probation status. From what you wrote, sounds like DMV court probation for DUI. Calling the police for help with civil family issues, or even criminal ones, shouldn't have any effect on said probation. Plus, when does it expire? If it's been 3 years it might be over now.

 

[NorCalBusa]

I think this thread should be merged with the prior one- people coming in late won't know the context, nor is there a reference here to it, and its essentially the same topic...

 

[}Dragon{]

Yes. Like everyone else.

Restraining Order, child custody order, divorce, severely limit contact to only when required.

:deadhorse ^^ +3

I read that whole first post and I need a Cold Shower now...

OP when you said she "broke in"- her truck is still there- does she still get mail there?

So let's get back to VOP, if you don't have an assigned probation officer (informal probation), if you have questions on the terms and conditions, contact your attorney from the case, if you are worried about contacting/interacting w/ LE.

Edit:

As for the vehicle tampering thing... I think any reasonable person would think you were acting in everyone's best interest, but technically you still don't have the right to tamper with another person's vehicle.

Can you enforce 10852 CVC on private property?:afm199

 

[bojangle]

Can you enforce 10852 CVC on private property?:afm199

I don't see why not. But...aren't they still married? And she messed with his bike too? Sounds like a civil matter.

 

[}Dragon{]

I don't see why not. But...aren't they still married? And she messed with his bike too? Sounds like a civil matter.

IIRC Only certain sections of the CVC are enforceable on private property. Vandalism? Maybe.

10-8 Civil is what I would say too...

 

[OneRedLT4]

I reccomend to cut and run. Also check your bikes engine oil for sand and your gas tank for sugar or some other substances in either if she followed through with her threat. Best of luck to you. See you on the roads.

As hard as it is, a restraining order is what needs to be done. Put your kids first, they don't need to be around the drama. They're going to need some counseling after all of this.

I've been through this with my ex but she was using meth.

Thankfully my kids are no longer here when she is here. Her's have been staying at their dad's, I don't think she can take care of them and take care of her legal obligations. I've been packing up my kids rooms and garage, working my way out. I'm still trying to come to terms with the realization that if I can't find anything I can afford, mom's house will have to be it for a while and that's a huge pill to swallow!

:deadhorse ^^ +3

I read that whole first post and I need a Cold Shower now...

OP when you said she "broke in"- her truck is still there- does she still get mail there? Truck, yes. Broke in? I have to go back and see what I was referring to :wtf

So let's get back to VOP, if you don't have an assigned probation officer (informal probation), if you have questions on the terms and conditions, contact your attorney from the case, if you are worried about contacting/interacting w/ LE.

Edit:



Can you enforce 10852 CVC on private property?:afm199

Actually, I did contact him, and looking for an email showed it was June of 13 that I talk to him. He confirmed that probation is up this november, but I nothing I described would violate it. She is the one with the PO and is expected to not have any negative interaction with LEO (maybe that is requirement of DUI court). Mine is just no alcohol, 0% tolerence.
My Google search yielded a page describing the 10852 CVC, and yeah that was me, all the way. But again, never would have if I didn't see even more financial hardship around the corner if she drove.

Ok, been out running around the neighborhood with a couple big flat blades, pulling up concrete filled storm drain covers looking for my bike key. If it were for the fact she locked the steering, It'd already be in storage. $52+ for a key and $200 for a locksmith to come out. Trying to avoid that.

How is two fuses that are sitting on my tool box for easy replacement the same as taking the one key and tossing it away requiring a 5-6 day wait on a locksmith?

I know! I need to go, I know.