guidance needed from the barf hive

[littlebeast]

so i have said previously that i have a new boss. we don’t get along. long history before he became my boss - serious differences of opinion regarding business issues, strategies and tactics. just about every conversation devolves into an arguement. dude is seriously passive-aggressive, and can barely speak to me without becoming incredibly offensive. after our most recent arguement, he sends me the following message (sent at around midnight his time - probably after an evening of drinking):

‘i’ll try to be water if you’ll be water my friend.’ and links the following


youtu.be/cJMwBwFj5nQ

i’ve been staring at it. i get the sentiment, but given our history, i have no idea what to make of it or how to respond. any ideas?

 

[budgie45]

Sounds like a dick,sorta same thing happened to be use to work with this bloke,he then became my manager and a total dick, I can’t kiss ass,he kissed plenty of it

I ended up leaving the job,

 

[augustiron]

Let him do what he wants and he'll let you do what you want, you both just flow and don't block each other?

Or in other words

STFU and I'll leave you alone?

 

[bruceflinch]

Perhaps he is offering an Olive branch, in a weird way.

I would ask him straight out.

 

[cfives]

...

I would ask him straight out.

That would probably be the best thing to do. My take based entirely on the first post, is that it is a (possibly, but doubtfully subconscious) threat by him, consciously posed as a willingness to be adaptable/flexible.

Jeet Kune Do is a combat system that is based on the adaptability expressed in the desire to, "be like water". The fact that you often gets into arguements with your "boss", suggests that you do not consider them to be so.

Regardless of his intent, it is a good opportunity to solidify the dynamics of your working relationship.
It is best to dictate the terms of engagement, possibly by being like water.

 

[littlebeast]

That would probably be the best thing to do. My take based entirely on the first post, is that it is a (possibly, but doubtfully subconscious) threat by him, consciously posed as a willingness to be adaptable/flexible.

Jeet Kune Do is a combat system that is based on the adaptability expressed in the desire to, "be like water". The fact that you often gets into arguements with your "boss", suggests that you do not consider them to be so.

Regardless of his intent, it is a good opportunity to solidify the dynamics of your working relationship.
It is best to dictate the terms of engagement, possibly by being like water.

excellent advice, and food for thought. much appreciated.

 

[byke]

That's an olive branch, he's just an awkward weirdo.

 

[tzrider]

Perhaps he is offering an Olive branch, in a weird way.

I would ask him straight out.

This.

 

[littlebeast]

That's an olive branch, he's just an awkward weirdo.

yeah - agree with this also.

 

[Abacinator]

Upper decker

 

[Karbon]

He's your boss, not your "friend". Optimistically, working relations ship can build into a strong personal relationship. Other times having a working relationship that pays your bills is the best you're going to get.

Based on what he sent you, it sounds like he's expecting you to capitulate. He might sugar coat it but, it seems like that's the power dynamic he's expecting or trying to convey. Personally, I'd be weary of people who awkwardly and cryptically communicates with fucken YOUTUBE VIDEOS.

As long as both of your goals for the company are the same, you at least have common ground. That's not a bad platform to work with.
And if he's not really the type to listen to reasonable and solid arguments, expect to get shot down and/or expect more of the same treatment.

It could be a trust issue. A good boss knows when to trust the people around him and convey any issues clearly and concisely.
Suffice to say that it sucks that you're the one having to he clarify his intent.

Basically, if you can convey to him your sentiment which you've expressed in this thread, and he can't address your concerns properly and/or he loses his shit, he's probably a real dickhat.

 

[bojangle]

Tell him you drink water for breakfast.

Then send him this.

 

[rodr]

No answers, but here are a couple of questions to consider.

Which one of you has the better credentials? If you, why is he your boss? If him, are you really sure he's so wrong?

Chances are there can be a sum of strengths rather than differences of opinion. Certainly the business owner(s) would prefer that.

 

[Blankpage]

Unfortunately bossman won this round, options seem limited.
Work life balance, focus more on the life side.

 

[SM610]

"I'll be the water, you be the terrorist at Gitmo..."

:laughing

 

[Melissa]

boundaries are questionable. I'd keep notes of your interactions. Do you have a dreaded hr department? Seems he is being hostile on a personal level.

 

[auntiebling]

That's an olive branch, he's just an awkward weirdo.

yes, probably.

water doesn't become the bowl, or the teapot, or the glass it is RESTRAINED by them. when it is unconstrained, it can flow or crash or whatever.

it is impossible to know what boss guy is hoping to accomplish with that video.

i'd look for another job. work sucks enough as it is, having a boss that you clash with and is tone deaf to personal interaction* ain't worth it.

*guessing you aren't the only one

 

[DReg350]

littlebeast, it's hard to know exactly what he was trying to convey without understanding the fights between you two. What they were about, how they were discussed, etc. But, don't construe that as a request to make that public. It isn't.

On the face of it, after reading his missive and watching the video, it seems like a not so veiled threat hidden behind an invitation to cooperate. "Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend." Seems like more ambiguous indirect communication to me, which I agree seems passive agressive. The 12:00am time he sent it tells me the situation is weighing on him, alcohol or not.

The trick is finding a way to stop the indirect communication and get to the meat of it without ending up in another screaming match. Generally HR has a function called ER (Employee Relations). ER can be handled by a number of people in HR depending on the structure of the HR dept. Might be handled by a Generalist, Business Partner, HR Rep, HR Manager, or Director. Without knowing the structure it's difficult who to point you to. You might see if you can find an org chart, or if there is anyone in HR that you trust, you might ask who handles ER.

I would consider talking, confidentially, to the ER person about the situation. I've managed ER for several companies. For me, I've always kept confidential conversations just that... confidential. If word got out that I couldn't be trusted then people would never come to me. Then, what's my purpose? Your ER person should have a better understanding about your business, it's structure, your clients, etc. They should have a grasp of your business challenges, which, in theory, should put them in a better position to help you than any of us can. If you allow them, they should also be able to help mediate. I know BARF is pretty anti HR, but we're not all monsters. PM me if I can help in any way.

 

[Schnellbandit]

You are being mindscrewed. Sorry for being so blunt but that is all the person is doing.

If you want proof just go back to what he sent you. All this stuff about figuring what some message means is babbling BS, he is your boss and he is simply exercising his power over you and playing a mind game. Who in their right mind sends an employee some pseudo-zendainese crap email and then knows (and he does) that you will spend time and precious energy trying to figure it out? 1. Some real ass 2. Someone who is malicious

You want more proof? That guy got you to come to BARF to ask for advice, do you think he went on some forum asking how he could make things better and the collective came up with what he sent you?

My advice (and everyone else pile on as you please) is to consider how long you want to be there, how long he will be there and if you aren't ready and willing to go 100% to stop this in it's tracks then GTFO of there and enjoy life unless you're 21 and have a few decades to just deal with this jerk.

Sometimes shit is exactly what it appears to be. It's not your job to deal with weird, awkward or a jerk for a boss. If this guy got you to come to BARF then I can only imagine what this is doing to the rest of your time.

I say all of this with the sincerest respect and compassion.

 

[Climber]

I have a different interpretation of that video.

'Put water in a cup, it becomes the cup, put water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle....Be water...'

I interpret that as saying, get rid of all of your own ideas and adopt my ideas.

For a Sensei to Student interaction it means remove all of your previous impressions of kung fu, open your mind to let me shape you into a kung fu master.

In a work environment, it means STFU and do as I say and stop bringing your own ideas into your work.

That's my take on it. I would actively be looking for another position after such a message.