Are you jaded?

[CaptCrash]

I'm putting it in 1Rider because I think this idea applies to riders physical and mental health. Trust me. This will go somewhere.

Back in the day I was a TV newshooter and I worked the afternoon/pm shift. Sure, it was in Boise, Idaho but news happens everywhere so it was alternately stunningly boring and live fire exciting. I went to boring press conferences and active barricaded suspect calls. I saw what Fire can do...yeah, capitol F Fire, the kind that destroys homes and the running freight train of a crowning forest fire coming right at you. We interviewed kids with cancer and kids with no home. We got a taste of just about everything from crime to civics, hate to hospitals, A-10s to the zoo.

It was an eye opening experience. It's always cool when someone looks at you and the camera and lifts the police line and lets you in.

I remember one interview, at the very first question this lady broke down in tears put her head on her bandaged hands after my reporter asked her, right out of the gate, "How did it feel when you realized you weren't going to be able to get your kids out of the car?" This poor woman had grievously burned her hands and arms trying to unbuckle and rescue her kids from her burning car after an accident. I thought, "Asking that question was one of the singularly most horrifying things I've been party to." When I asked this reporter "How could you ask that?"

She said, "I have to. It's my job." She went on to a network posting in a major market and every once in a while I would see her on the TV and I would remember: "I have to. It's my job." Her job, and my job at the time were to observe, record and report. It was our job. We asked dreadful questions and intruded on private moments. This report held "It's our job" up like a blanket against the darkness. She didn't even think about how clumsily she had done her 'job' she just did it and had an excuse for her cruelty. A well crafted, careful, gentle question may have actually gotten her where she really wanted to be.

Now what does this have to do with riding and BARF? A lot I believe. See, we motorcyclists are around a fair amount of bad stuff. We see bad things and work on the periphery of tragedy. There are RIP threads and axid reports and tales of pain and shame.

It's easy to get jaded. You can grow cynical. You build defenses with gallows humor and petty indignation. You figure out how to talk about terrible loss and give it a flip and hide behind things like: "It's my job." It can become your "Job" to mock the mistakes of the unfortunate. To hide your feelings behind snarky comments and your fear with bluster and bravado.

Why hide? Why the black humor? Because at the base of it we all know that could have been me. Yeah, that pinpointing a minor mistake? That's clinging to your talisman and shaking your fist at the darkness--it won't happen to me because I scan 14 seconds ahead--unlike this dead knucklehead. Pretty soon you can believe your own hype and it's OK to be the guy who gives too much information or makes the inappropriate joke. You look for other's mistakes, forget context and mock the dead. The symptoms are hard to recognize in yourself because like a silent cancer they are slow to build and easy to overlook. The quest to quench the fear becomes a thick hide that blunts feeling. You're 'just telling it like it is' and 'trying to help learn from others mistakes.' In the worst cases you really can become a dick...and a dangerous one because all that macho mask really blinds you to your own abilities and shortcomings; your mask becomes a blindfold.

How did I know it's time to leave news? I was "racing the chopper" one day and I realized I wasn't someone I wanted to be. "Racing the chopper" is trying to get to a rural accident scene before LifeFlight can get there, land, load and leave. You hope you can get there in time to catch them loading the gurney into the chopper. If you can? You've got a killer shot of the victim getting aid and the chopper leaving. It can all be very, very dramatic. As I raced along I was listening to the scanner and actually watching the chopper out my drivers window. I was in for the win. I might even get the chopper landing. It was gonna be great...until the scanner spat out:

"Cancel LifeFlight 01."

I watched as the helo made a wide arcing turn at speed and turned back to Boise. Cancelling LifeFlight means one of two things--either the patient is dead or they're not really hurt that bad. See, in a rural accident you'll call for the bird prematurely to cut response time. Banging my hand on the steering wheel I said a mortifying thing:

"I sure hope somebody's dead because I do not want to waste my time driving all the way out there for nothing."

It was time to re-balance my life. It was clear that my values were becoming skewed. Instead of praying that they didn't need the chopper I had fully focused on me to avoid thinking about the possibility that someone's life was irrevocably changed.

If you've become jaded in your riding life. If you're overly cynical and spit sarcasm at the unlucky or unskilled? I'm not telling you to give it up I'm telling you that your shield may well be the death of you because the more you think you know it all? You don't. That gallows humor is really a symptom that you're trying to deal with danger by trivializing it.

You may be blinding yourself.

Be Safe.

 

[R1-Limited]

Nope, I am as real as I get when I am on a motorcycle. I respect and never fear them, I have learned though in my 45 years of riding to listen to my gut instead of me balls. At the age of 9 through 27 I rode with my balls, never thinking about consequence, then I got married and all things got real, family, responsibility and mortality. Now I am 55, I ride with full awareness

 

[tonedeaf]

I enjoyed reading that. Great writing, made me think real hard about things. sounds like you've seen a lot of wild stuff, and it's cool that your journey brought you to that awareness. I agree, and I'm glad for the reminder to to look at things realistically, and not let my quick judgements on situations become a mask or even blindfold of "perceived safety". when you're not arrogant about your skill, i mean honestly to yourself when you're on the bike riding, and you respect the danger and challenges around you, it makes it fresh and fun like a child experiencing something new, it's so great...

 

[tonedeaf]

Nope, I am as real as I get when I am on a motorcycle.

and AMEN to that, man. that's part of why it's so addicting

 

[Cycle61]

I'm 100% attuned to my own riding, and safety, when on two wheels.

I really don't find myself caring that much about random rider injuries and fatalities, unless I personally know the individual.

So yes, I'd say I'm fairly jaded, in the sense the OP seems to be talking about.

 

[SummerLove]

It's definitely something to think about. Especially after 5 years of scrapping people off the roads, embankments, guard rails and everything else. I don't think I could ride as much as I do now if I was still working as an EMT.

 

[asthmodeus]

i'm jaded enough to say, man the eff up...gallows humor, dark sarcasm, morbid catchphrases, whatever...are how some people deal with a dangerous life and it's a form of professional detachment to permit one's psyche to absorb horrific shit.

if you are mocking the dead or lording your awesomeness over someone, you aren't jaded, you're an asshole..

 

[VicTim]

Thanks for the thread Crash.:thumbup

Definately food for thought for me. Lots of thought.

 

[Bravnik]

Interesting thread but gallows humor is a coping mechanism used by many that see the worst part of life on a daily basis. Cops use it, military uses it, morticians use it etc. When you see the seedy side of things on a daily basis you can't let it get to you as it can seriously mess you up.

So it's only natural for people on BARF to trivialize or utilize Gallows Humor when talking about RIP threads, accidents, mistakes etc. because if they didn't then it could eat at them and stop them from riding if they truly accepted the risks involved and the potential for serious injury or death.

So we blame the rider, the conditions, the auto driver etc. in order to cope with the fact that what we do can end our lives in a nano-second at any moment and completely out of our control.

The reality is that what we do is extremely dangerous and eventually it will bite you. It might be a gentle nip or a horrific chunk but we will at some point get bit unless we stop riding.

 

[CaptCrash]

This raises an odd thought--when is it appropriate to share gallows humor? Or is it always appropriate? For example I expect motorcyclists to bust out some pretty black humor when their in their own company. Likewise I wouldn't be surprised to see EMTs or Soldiers cracking wise in their own company. They are pros and know when to shut up. With riders, there's a point that some folks go to when they're clearly trying too hard and maybe that's the thing I'm thinking about.

 

[Loki1000R]

i remember one day some years ago i was in between bikes and was driving my exes cage. southbound on 280 just at the Monterey exit. traffic was slowed to a crawl and everyone was getting over to the left. i make it to just shy of the exit and i see a moto chp hurriedly getting off his bike and then a dude in a red truck, i think it was an older ford ranger, with his hands on his head in complete panic and shocking disbelief.

then i see the two women on the ground not moving, the SV laying on it's side a few yards away and my heart just dropped. the whole rest of the day i was out of it.

i still think about that scene in my mind everytime i see an RIP thread.

i don't know if they died or not but that picture in my mind keeps me in check when i begin to get wreckless.

i am jaded alot, about many things. i do my best not to disrespect the dead and their loved ones.

sometimes i forget how hard my heart dropped that day and then i think about how easy it is for one of us to get lost in someones blindspot and i slow the fuck down.

 

[dwnshiftsdywayz]

^ I feel the same exact way. I seen an older rider on a honda shadow go down pretty hard on 880 last year. While everything was happening I managed to manuever around the crash. I pulled over to the side and went to check on the man. There were a few people already out of their cars. One person said for me to go away...that it wasn't safe to move him until the EMT arrived...Made me think alot about life.

 

[frozenduc]

Now I have that song stuck in my brain.

edit:
Yeah as a former EMT nothing surprises me. The 10 pound helmet 50 feet from the crash? Nope. Foot still in the shoe near the 10 pound helmet? Nope. The dark humor helps ya cope with things yet as said above, it could and might be me one of these days.

Life is short, enjoy it. When yer time is up it's up.

 

[Xovaan]

The only thing that echoes through my head whenever I feel myself wander off is, "Pay attention or die."

At any moment I could die riding. But behavioral reinforcement of the fragility of life combined with one of the most fun experiences I've had in my entire existence has made me not fear death but instead made me accept it as a tangible and realistic part of living. It's made the concept of grievance foreign to me, and at the same time has completely removed fear and panic from my life. This has translated into tactics, not kneejerk reactions while riding and pursuing tons of hobbies I'd have never even dreamed of before this revelation.

Some might say I'm jaded because I don't think of death and morbidity the same way normal people do, but I think of myself as more learned and accepting of it. We all try to understand the world in our own ways; don't feel distraught because you perceive things in a way that might upset others. If the world can't understand where you're coming from through heartless questions and macabre mindsets, then don't look to the world for guidance. You sound like you understand what society thinks of your disposition; as long as you aren't disconnected from this, it doesn't matter what you think; you're not insane, just learned in different ways.

 

[Larson]

Good piece! Pretty deep. I have one experience that I often think about when I start to talk, think, or ride like a dick. I was driving home late when I was about 17 and took a route I never take...EVER except this one night. At about 2am I saw a man on the ground half on the street/sidewalk Thinking he was prolly drunk and or homeless. About half a block later I go to turn left when something caught my eye in the bushes. It was a sportbike with the taillight still glowing. I immediately pull over get out and run up to the guy. His face was pretty smashed, his ribs and chest area looked crushed and in an unnatural position, and he had blood coming out of his mouth/ears. This guy was very...very dead and I didn't have a phone so I just, as creepy as this sounds, sat next to him and sparked a cigarette. This was before my bike And prolly why I held off a little while before getting one. I flagged down the only passing car about 15mins and 2 cigs later and called 911. Only gear he had on was a helmet that was down the street. Still think about that night time to time. That could be anyone of us. Ride safe ppl

 

[Forwards]

If you pulled up and sat next to me in the dead of night as I lie there dead and sparked a cig in silence I know without a doubt in my mind that would offer peace to my soul. Very comforting to know a stranger will sit there and patiently wait for someone.

 

[GPzPop]

Very excellent point made by the OP.

I have a story also

At the end of the day, upon my very first day of cornerworking for the AFM, I was mentally torn, and the only conclusion that I said to myself was " I guess I can no longer be in denial about crashing and getting hurt riding motorcycles."

Now each and every raceday done, as I am laying in bed falling asleep, I have a pre-dream of a bike going down in front of me and I have to jump up and respond, jolts me awake. (sort of like the falling dream where you wake up with a start just before you impact)

Its gotten to the point now that I expect that dream in its many variations and can shrug it off - oh, its just that cornerworking dream again.

So when I swing a leg over, I am fully aware that the only thing keeping myself from a similar painful or deadly incident is constant vigilence, zen like calm, and a whole lot of good fortune.

And yes, camping at the track with my cornerworker friends, there is plenty of gallows humor.

 

[RDZ]

I somehow never wander off mentally when im on my bike, can't say the same for my car x.x
Sometimes when I get to where im going I forget the route I took because I was in deep thought haha

 

[Abyss]

I immediately pull over get out and run up to the guy. His face was pretty smashed, his ribs and chest area looked crushed and in an unnatural position, and he had blood coming out of his mouth/ears. This guy was very...very dead...

That gave me chills... what a horrible way to die, bleeding out from internal injuries, alone on the road at night.

I'm surprised you had the courage to start riding after an ordeal like that, must have been a sobering experience.

Great piece of writing by the OP. Goes to show how easy it is to lose perspective.

 

[tuan3742]

I'm putting it in 1Rider because I think this idea applies to riders physical and mental health. Trust me. This will go somewhere.

Back in the day I was a TV newshooter and I worked the afternoon/pm shift. Sure, it was in Boise, Idaho but news happens everywhere so it was alternately stunningly boring and live fire exciting. I went to boring press conferences and active barricaded suspect calls. I saw what Fire can do...yeah, capitol F Fire, the kind that destroys homes and the running freight train of a crowning forest fire coming right at you. We interviewed kids with cancer and kids with no home. We got a taste of just about everything from crime to civics, hate to hospitals, A-10s to the zoo.

It was an eye opening experience. It's always cool when someone looks at you and the camera and lifts the police line and lets you in.

I remember one interview, at the very first question this lady broke down in tears put her head on her bandaged hands after my reporter asked her, right out of the gate, "How did it feel when you realized you weren't going to be able to get your kids out of the car?" This poor woman had grievously burned her hands and arms trying to unbuckle and rescue her kids from her burning car after an accident. I thought, "Asking that question was one of the singularly most horrifying things I've been party to." When I asked this reporter "How could you ask that?"

She said, "I have to. It's my job." She went on to a network posting in a major market and every once in a while I would see her on the TV and I would remember: "I have to. It's my job." Her job, and my job at the time were to observe, record and report. It was our job. We asked dreadful questions and intruded on private moments. This report held "It's our job" up like a blanket against the darkness. She didn't even think about how clumsily she had done her 'job' she just did it and had an excuse for her cruelty. A well crafted, careful, gentle question may have actually gotten her where she really wanted to be.

Now what does this have to do with riding and BARF? A lot I believe. See, we motorcyclists are around a fair amount of bad stuff. We see bad things and work on the periphery of tragedy. There are RIP threads and axid reports and tales of pain and shame.

It's easy to get jaded. You can grow cynical. You build defenses with gallows humor and petty indignation. You figure out how to talk about terrible loss and give it a flip and hide behind things like: "It's my job." It can become your "Job" to mock the mistakes of the unfortunate. To hide your feelings behind snarky comments and your fear with bluster and bravado.

Why hide? Why the black humor? Because at the base of it we all know that could have been me. Yeah, that pinpointing a minor mistake? That's clinging to your talisman and shaking your fist at the darkness--it won't happen to me because I scan 14 seconds ahead--unlike this dead knucklehead. Pretty soon you can believe your own hype and it's OK to be the guy who gives too much information or makes the inappropriate joke. You look for other's mistakes, forget context and mock the dead. The symptoms are hard to recognize in yourself because like a silent cancer they are slow to build and easy to overlook. The quest to quench the fear becomes a thick hide that blunts feeling. You're 'just telling it like it is' and 'trying to help learn from others mistakes.' In the worst cases you really can become a dick...and a dangerous one because all that macho mask really blinds you to your own abilities and shortcomings; your mask becomes a blindfold.

How did I know it's time to leave news? I was "racing the chopper" one day and I realized I wasn't someone I wanted to be. "Racing the chopper" is trying to get to a rural accident scene before LifeFlight can get there, land, load and leave. You hope you can get there in time to catch them loading the gurney into the chopper. If you can? You've got a killer shot of the victim getting aid and the chopper leaving. It can all be very, very dramatic. As I raced along I was listening to the scanner and actually watching the chopper out my drivers window. I was in for the win. I might even get the chopper landing. It was gonna be great...until the scanner spat out:

"Cancel LifeFlight 01."

I watched as the helo made a wide arcing turn at speed and turned back to Boise. Cancelling LifeFlight means one of two things--either the patient is dead or they're not really hurt that bad. See, in a rural accident you'll call for the bird prematurely to cut response time. Banging my hand on the steering wheel I said a mortifying thing:

"I sure hope somebody's dead because I do not want to waste my time driving all the way out there for nothing."

It was time to re-balance my life. It was clear that my values were becoming skewed. Instead of praying that they didn't need the chopper I had fully focused on me to avoid thinking about the possibility that someone's life was irrevocably changed.

If you've become jaded in your riding life. If you're overly cynical and spit sarcasm at the unlucky or unskilled? I'm not telling you to give it up I'm telling you that your shield may well be the death of you because the more you think you know it all? You don't. That gallows humor is really a symptom that you're trying to deal with danger by trivializing it.

You may be blinding yourself.

Be Safe.

I really enjoyed this read. You write well.