You Are Not Alone

It's weird for me to remember that you "normies" suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts too. I'm around alcoholics and addicts almost every day and the subject of suicide comes up almost every day as well.

I've never really understood how someone could off themselves, there are so many options and so many people that want to help, all you have to do is ask.

If at 43 I can totally reinvent myself and make my life better then anyone can. I reached out and asked for help and to be honest it really wasn't that difficult at all. Suicide was never an option for me, I just couldn't do that to my family and friends. I always told myself if life got that bad I'd just join the Peace Corps or something and get GTFO :loco. I also have some experience in helping people with depression so my hat's in the ring as well if anyone wants to talk.

Lylith said:

I've been trying and talking and trying and talking since I was a teen and it never really gets better. At least not reliably. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, or if there is, the tunnel is just far too long to ever actually reach it.

If it's OK for the terminally ill to end their lives on their own terms, why is so wrong for others?

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Well, if you're dealing with a chemical imbalance in your brain, then it's going to take the right medication in the right dosage to fix that. There's a lot of different meds, and working with a doctor to find the right balance for you can take time, but in the end, it really is worth it.
I'm going to PM you my phone number, I'd be happy to share my own experiences with you, and talk to you about some different options that have helped me tremendously in the past.
It really can be better than it is...

A good friend of mine found a lot of help in Alanon, addiction wasn't a part of his problem but he found a great place full of people to help him out. He goes to meetings everyday and is planning a cross country moto trip soon. Check them out, they don't want anything and it couldn't hurt :dunno

(let's not forget that I need you Miri, my web site's not gonna finish it's self . Please help me help others, please. I didn't want to bug you about it till after the new year but I think about reaching out to you EVERYDAY)

Because it is selfish to take yourself away from others who love you.

The terminally ill have a foreseeable future. You have a possible future.

pm me if you want to talk

Edit: I had removed the first line because I didn't want to sound harsh.

Because it is selfish to take yourself away from others who love you.

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I didn't want to say it but I'm still angry at Steve for making the decision he made. Call me an asshole if you want but I was pissed off on 12/2 and I still am.

And, for those of you reading, for someone to be angry at you means they have feelings for you. They care about you, they just don't care for what you're doing (or did).

Don't assume that we are indifferent.

Reach out to those who have common interests with you.

VFRweasel said:

I didn't want to say it but I'm still angry at Steve for making the decision he made. Call me an asshole if you want but I was pissed off on 12/2 and I still am.

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Being angry is part of the grieving process, and it doesn't make you an asshole. What people who don't have clinical depression don't understand is that your brain makes you think "wrong". You don't believe, not for one minute, that your death will mean anything to anyone. You aren't thinking about people grieving for you, or missing you... you're surrounded with pain, and you feel totally alone. You don't believe that there are people around you who would willingly drop everything to come help. There are so many people Steve could have turned to... but I'd bet anything that he didn't think he had a one. So so sad...

VFRweasel said:

I didn't want to say it but I'm still angry at Steve for making the decision he made. Call me an asshole if you want but I was pissed off on 12/2 and I still am.

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You are not an asshole. You are normal.

I had a 16 year old in my scout troop commit suicide this year (just hours before we were to meet and plan our big summer camping trip). I had a 'debrief' with the rest of our troop and all his friends the next day. The overriding thing they had to deal with was the feeling of anger.

The grieving process consists of the following stages (and brief examples):
1) Denial - "I don't believe he is dead. It can't be true"
2) Anger - "Why the hell did he do that to us!"
3) Bargaining - "I should have seen it coming. Why wasn't I there to help"
4) Depression - "I miss him. I want to join him"
5) Acceptance - "We'll carry on in his memory"

This is all 'normal' and part of the process. It is important to help survivors identify this as sometimes these things happen in bunches (follower suicides).

Many people who work around the dead and dying have to constantly remind themselves of these 5 things as they often live through it repeatedly and are susceptible to depression and suicide too.

n10sive said:

You are not an asshole.

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Sure I am

I know the process, I just can't shake that step this time.

Thx :cool

scratch said:

Because it is selfish to take yourself away from others who love you.

The terminally ill have a foreseeable future. You have a possible future.

pm me if you want to talk

Edit: I had removed the first line because I didn't want to sound harsh.

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isn't it also selfish for the family to simply feel that they were cheated from their family member? to simply say it is selfish for you to take yourself away from others who love you, is no where near a reason that will work on a large majority of people who are contemplating suicide.

most of the time, they feel that the suicide will make the family be better off.

and for the record, exactly why is it a problem for someone to end their life when they choose to? I"m not advocating it, I'm asking, what is the problem, if someone who has done well throughout their life (short or long) decides, I'm outta here?

why do I ask, because if people simply assume that life is the only answer, then we will never understand what goes through the life of those that feel that there is a 2nd answer, death. no?

for myself, I've had a cousin commit suicide when he was 16 y/o and I was probably 11y/o. strangely I didn't feel all destroyed over it. :dunno

for me, it's never been an option, but I have thought about it. why, because you can't say that it's not an option to you, unless you've thought about it, and made the decision to not off yourself.

but we always learn as we grow, right? I never considered it an option for ANY reason, until last year when this happened.

at that point, I thought to myself, why would it be so horrible to choose to move onto another world, plane, heaven/hell, whatever there is out there, if everything you've done here is done with , in your mind, and you CHOOSE to not continue it. in that situation, it was paralysis in an extremely agile and active man. :dunno

but good discussions, and I was glad to see this thread bumped for the holidays.

cheers everyone, and please don't take my post as anything more than dialogue in trying to understand BOTH sides.

VFRweasel said:

Sure I am

I know the process, I just can't shake that step this time.

Thx :cool

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Sweetie, it hasn't even been a month. That step can take a long time.
A friend of mine took his life almost 6 years ago.
I've accepted the loss.
Sometimes, though, I think about him, and I still get mad.
It's because I miss him. I always will.

Loosing a friend to his own hand is always tough to digest. Immediately the question is raised, "what could I have done?"
I truly believe suicide is rarely about the people left over but more ( I am stealing this phrase from a friend) about the inability to cope with the enduring, incessant, excruciating, pain of living.

Happy Hornet said:

Loosing a friend to his own hand is always tough to digest. Immediately the question is raised, "what could I have done?"
I truly believe suicide is rarely about the people left over but more ( I am stealing this phrase from a friend) about the inability to cope with the enduring, incessant, excruciating, pain of living.

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Exactly this.

Happy Hornet said:

Loosing a friend to his own hand is always tough to digest. Immediately the question is raised, "what could I have done?"
I truly believe suicide is rarely about the people left over but more ( I am stealing this phrase from a friend) about the inability to cope with the enduring, incessant, excruciating, pain of living.

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Yes, very much so.

Happy Hornet said:

Loosing a friend to his own hand is always tough to digest. Immediately the question is raised, "what could I have done?"
I truly believe suicide is rarely about the people left over but more ( I am stealing this phrase from a friend) about the inability to cope with the enduring, incessant, excruciating, pain of living.

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perhaps, but that is you're thought (our general thought on why they do it), what if they are accepting of the fact that they want to go "somewhere else", wherever that place may be in the after life. and what if they don't fear death?

why is it so hard to accept that sometimes people are just, done?
especially if they don't have a history, or diagnosis of mental health problems. :dunno

is it the general populations fear of death, religious upbringing of not killing yourselves, thoughts of weakness because someone opts out of "life"? I don't know all the answers myself and for that, I try to look at both sides of the issue.

my only point is that in some (SOME) situations, life may not always be the right answer.

I thought Drewler was talking about some Eva stuff...

machete said:

perhaps, but that is you're thought (our general thought on why they do it), what if they are accepting of the fact that they want to go "somewhere else", wherever that place may be in the after life. and what if they don't fear death?

why is it so hard to accept that sometimes people are just, done?
especially if they don't have a history, or diagnosis of mental health problems. :dunno

is it the general populations fear of death, religious upbringing of not killing yourselves, thoughts of weakness because someone opts out of "life"? I don't know all the answers myself and for that, I try to look at both sides of the issue.

my only point is that in some (SOME) situations, life may not always be the right answer.

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Every time this subject is broached it serves to open my mind more and more. I think the perspective that "they" couldn't deal anymore is perhaps a means to justify the feeling of rejection that some feel when left with the aftermath of suicide.
My own personal narcissistic reaction to Steve's choice was "oh shit I'm a horrible person for not picking up that he was in trouble." Maybe he wasn't maybe he made a choice and that was the day :dunno
I miss him though and wish I could have talked him down off the ledge-just to sit and have another beer.

machete said:

perhaps, but that is you're thought (our general thought on why they do it), what if they are accepting of the fact that they want to go "somewhere else", wherever that place may be in the after life. and what if they don't fear death?

why is it so hard to accept that sometimes people are just, done?
especially if they don't have a history, or diagnosis of mental health problems. :dunno

is it the general populations fear of death, religious upbringing of not killing yourselves, thoughts of weakness because someone opts out of "life"? I don't know all the answers myself and for that, I try to look at both sides of the issue.

my only point is that in some (SOME) situations, life may not always be the right answer.

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I've never been afraid of death. Maybe afraid of the manner of death [I have a phobia of drowning/suffocating], but not of death itself. Even when I was a small child, I remember thinking that I did not want to be alive and that my being 'here' was wrong.

Lylith said:

I've never been afraid of death. Maybe afraid of the manner of death [I have a phobia of drowning/suffocating], but not of death itself. Even when I was a small child, I remember thinking that I did not want to be alive and that my being 'here' was wrong.

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processing.......

machete said:

perhaps, but that is you're thought (our general thought on why they do it), what if they are accepting of the fact that they want to go "somewhere else", wherever that place may be in the after life. and what if they don't fear death?

why is it so hard to accept that sometimes people are just, done?
especially if they don't have a history, or diagnosis of mental health problems. :dunno

is it the general populations fear of death, religious upbringing of not killing yourselves, thoughts of weakness because someone opts out of "life"? I don't know all the answers myself and for that, I try to look at both sides of the issue.

my only point is that in some (SOME) situations, life may not always be the right answer.

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The only people I know who've contemplated suicide have been those dealing with severe clinical depression, or situational depression (terrible illness, loss of spouse, etc). I suppose if you've led an exciting, eventful life, and feel there's nothing left to discover or do, then maybe you'd be bored and wanting to be done... or maybe if you were unable to live life on your terms any longer... I don't know.
If someone truly wants to end their life, I believe that should be an option... but so many of the people who contemplate ending their lives are looking at a permanent solution to what is, in many instances, a temporary problem. I guess it's just that I've known quite a few people who were on the brink that got some help, never got back to that place, and are truly happy that they didn't take that final step... now.