Gnarly Cranium
milk crate goes where?
Dammit when does the next expansion to Starcraft 2 come out??
I'm big on RTS games, but between Warcraft/Starcraft updates I always find myself lost in a depressing wasteland. I keep trying other games and ending up disappointed and it's starting to get to me, as these can be expensive mistakes. Even Warcraft/Starcraft have disappointed me a little lately, as their focus has gone so much to clicking as fast as possible instead of actually strategizing anything.
I have been thinking of trying Total War, but I get bored really fast when I don't have hellish explosions, dragons, or lasers.
Games I recently played, not so great:
Civilization V
Ugggggghhh. I hear so damn much about Sid Meier, and with all the raving I thought this one would actually be at least decent, but... no. Just no. Boring. So damn boring. You have next to no tactical control whatsoever, you're just stuck up in the sky WATCHING things happen and spending hours trying to figure out why your economy isn't working, instead of fighting. Also, no huge fireballs or killer robots, and where's the fun in that??
Settlers 7
UGGGGHH. Who is this game designed for, 12 year old girls?? Good job, Princess! You have defeated the evil sorcerer (somehow) by building some farms and capturing a trade port! Even when you do fight, again there is NO tactical control-- you hit one button. Just one. Attack a zone, and sit back and twiddle your damned thumbs while little cartoon people march out there, arrange themselves in neat lines, and then proceed to grunt and jump up and down waving their arms at each other until whichever army had the most soldiers wins. I feel dirty for even having TRIED to play this game, it's that lame. The ONLY fun part is watching your workers scamper around carrying things, that's how bad it is.
Games I liked:
Sins of a Solar Empire: Trinity
Just ok. Pretty cool graphics, you can zoom between seeing a whole star system down to seeing the windows on your ships, has this space opera thing going. Sadly there is NO single player campaign, no story, so you're just stuck playing random maps, and there's not a lot of mileage in that. The units are extremely bland, and the different factions are almost indistinguishable from each other which makes strategy and tech research trees also super bland. Combat controls are very, very limited-- and glitchy!-- and your dudes are damn stupid, which makes managing a huge army really depressing because there are so many strategies you WISH you could try, but you end up spending your time trying to herd retarded cats instead. Why the hell must every ship fly through gigantic sweeping arcs that carry them directly into the face of the enemy when you've told them to retreat? This is SPACE. In some cases the ship isn't even currently moving-- why not use your maneuvering thrusters to pivot the damn thing around where it sits, and THEN fire up the main engines would you, instead of charging headfirst at that huge space station and getting torn apart by its guns while you imitate a spanish galleon at full sail on a sea of molasses?
Universe at War: Earth Assault
This game was awesome. I mean, it was awesome. Yes, the command controls were shit, downright primitive compared to even the old Starcraft, but I don't even care because there were GIGIANTIC FUCKING ROBOT WALKERS OF DOOM, covered in lasers and hundreds of feet high, seriously, that smash whole buildings to dust with each step, and they make this incredibly disturbing, epic noise as they breathe. Fuck yes. Great art direction on this one, when you play the evil aliens you don't build your buildings... you lay down some crop circles for a landing target and wait for them to descend screaming from orbit, slamming down in flames and then rising out of the smoking crater. You feel like you want to zap some cows, abduct some humans for probing, and then chase Tom Cruise around in circles until he shits his pants-- and that would not take long.
I'm big on RTS games, but between Warcraft/Starcraft updates I always find myself lost in a depressing wasteland. I keep trying other games and ending up disappointed and it's starting to get to me, as these can be expensive mistakes. Even Warcraft/Starcraft have disappointed me a little lately, as their focus has gone so much to clicking as fast as possible instead of actually strategizing anything.
I have been thinking of trying Total War, but I get bored really fast when I don't have hellish explosions, dragons, or lasers.
Games I recently played, not so great:
Civilization V
Ugggggghhh. I hear so damn much about Sid Meier, and with all the raving I thought this one would actually be at least decent, but... no. Just no. Boring. So damn boring. You have next to no tactical control whatsoever, you're just stuck up in the sky WATCHING things happen and spending hours trying to figure out why your economy isn't working, instead of fighting. Also, no huge fireballs or killer robots, and where's the fun in that??
Settlers 7
UGGGGHH. Who is this game designed for, 12 year old girls?? Good job, Princess! You have defeated the evil sorcerer (somehow) by building some farms and capturing a trade port! Even when you do fight, again there is NO tactical control-- you hit one button. Just one. Attack a zone, and sit back and twiddle your damned thumbs while little cartoon people march out there, arrange themselves in neat lines, and then proceed to grunt and jump up and down waving their arms at each other until whichever army had the most soldiers wins. I feel dirty for even having TRIED to play this game, it's that lame. The ONLY fun part is watching your workers scamper around carrying things, that's how bad it is.
Games I liked:
Sins of a Solar Empire: Trinity
Just ok. Pretty cool graphics, you can zoom between seeing a whole star system down to seeing the windows on your ships, has this space opera thing going. Sadly there is NO single player campaign, no story, so you're just stuck playing random maps, and there's not a lot of mileage in that. The units are extremely bland, and the different factions are almost indistinguishable from each other which makes strategy and tech research trees also super bland. Combat controls are very, very limited-- and glitchy!-- and your dudes are damn stupid, which makes managing a huge army really depressing because there are so many strategies you WISH you could try, but you end up spending your time trying to herd retarded cats instead. Why the hell must every ship fly through gigantic sweeping arcs that carry them directly into the face of the enemy when you've told them to retreat? This is SPACE. In some cases the ship isn't even currently moving-- why not use your maneuvering thrusters to pivot the damn thing around where it sits, and THEN fire up the main engines would you, instead of charging headfirst at that huge space station and getting torn apart by its guns while you imitate a spanish galleon at full sail on a sea of molasses?
Universe at War: Earth Assault
This game was awesome. I mean, it was awesome. Yes, the command controls were shit, downright primitive compared to even the old Starcraft, but I don't even care because there were GIGIANTIC FUCKING ROBOT WALKERS OF DOOM, covered in lasers and hundreds of feet high, seriously, that smash whole buildings to dust with each step, and they make this incredibly disturbing, epic noise as they breathe. Fuck yes. Great art direction on this one, when you play the evil aliens you don't build your buildings... you lay down some crop circles for a landing target and wait for them to descend screaming from orbit, slamming down in flames and then rising out of the smoking crater. You feel like you want to zap some cows, abduct some humans for probing, and then chase Tom Cruise around in circles until he shits his pants-- and that would not take long.
Last edited:
:teeth
