Best Bro Fund...

[usndocjaysin]

I used to be active Barfer back in the day, post whoring, Barf Jams, music thread, Sink contributor and all that... I fell off and just stalked for awhile and haven't been here in awhile. Well, a life altering event has forced me to utilize all my resources and Barf has always been good for knowledge, information, good times, entertainment and support. I hope I'm not breaking any TOS but if I am I'm sure I'll get BAPPED! lol So to the point...

I'm currently going through a custody battle for my son (some here may know him the "JF"). My son is my world. I've coached his outdoor and indoor soccer teams. Helped coach him in wrestling when in season at Vacaville wrestling club. I volunteer every Monday in his class at school to show that I care about his education (not only that, I get to hang out with him:teeth :thumbup) We're co-op partners in video games and he's "point" and the stick gatherer when we hike. He's the reason I go without, smile and laugh. Hayden has made me such a better man than I thought I could ever be. He teaches and reminds me of the good that's in the world. I don't know where I'd be without him. These things are being threatened to be taken away from the both of us

The other party has the means to have representation as to where I do not. I feel if I do not acquire professional help I may "lose" my son. I'm out of my league and in a foreign environment. I started up a "Best Bro Fund" through youcaring.com to try to get enough money to get a lawyer. For many here you may not know me and I am a complete stranger and for some you may remember me and think fondly of me or not... lol I just humbly ask for support by any means if one is able.

So I'll end it here for the fear of TLDR... lol If you would like to know anything else please feel free to ask.

:thumbuphttps://www.youcaring.com/other/best-bro-fund/173577:thumbup

Also trying to sell my bike... check it out!--->http://www.bayarearidersforum.com/forums/showthread.php?t=455143

 

[Mike95060]

I can't imagine anything more gutting then custody battle. Hang in there man. In the end your boy will know what kind of dad you are. I dont have anything more to offer you than words of encouragement. If a pile of dough lands on me anytime soon i will kick down.

 

[usndocjaysin]

I can't imagine anything more gutting then custody battle. Hang in there man. In the end your boy will know what kind of dad you are. I dont have anything more to offer you than words of encouragement. If a pile of dough lands on me anytime soon i will kick down.

Thank you for your kind words they are much welcomed! :thumbup

 

[mikev]

Fuck. Sorry bro.

PM if you just wanna vent or bullshit.

 

[Papi]

Having gone through this twice myself, and having to start my life all over 3 times, I can tell you that nothing about this "process" is fun. I have spent over half my life dealing with Ex's, Attorneys, Lawsuits, TRO's (against them), Civil Suits, blah blah blah. It's a mess. BUT, it can and does get better, don't lose sight of that.

Now, having been successful (and failing prior) to get custody, let me give bits of advice that will get you through this:

1. Never bring or state Drama while in Family Court. Just state clear succinct facts.

2. Keep a day timer of where and who your kid is with 24 hours a day, every day.

3. Stay calm. Never disparage the other parent. As in never, ever, never.

4. Always always always write in your daytime book when your kid is with you, down to the minute. When you pick your kid up, always write down the condition your kid is in (unbathed, hungry, sick, whatever).

5. Continue to be reasonable about custody. Work on 50% or greater physical, and 50/50 legal. Making unreasonable requests will end up hurting, not helping you.

6. Enforce that the other parent covers 50% medical at all times. You do the same.

7. You are a parent, be the best one you can.

8. DO NOT TALK TO YOUR EX ABOUT CUSTODIAL MATTERS IF THIS IS GOING TO FAMILY COURT.

9. Do not let whatever drama they throw at you cause you to react in any way. If the language is not about pick up times and drop off involving your kid, say nothing!

10. You Ex, attorney, friends, Ex inlaws, whoever, will say or do things to get under your skin for you to react un-reasonably. Don't do it. Keep your mouth shut. Smile. Never exchange words beyond pick up times, drop offs, Doctor appointments, etc.

Again, having gone through this twice in 3 different states, you can get through this without counsel if you cant afford it. Each Court in CA has a Family Law Clinic to make sure you have all the forms, etc.

Also, some of us here on teh barf have been through the Family Court system enough to give you foundational advice as well.

Last, if your Ex lawyers up over custody, don't be intimidated by that. California Family Law and Court is a big hairy animal that can be tamed. The rules of the game are fairly easy if you follow them. There is a specific order that events happen, specific filings, specific responses, specific evidence the court uses to make decisions about what is better for the child. In one such case, I was able to trump the Ex's high powered attorney with just two court appointed experts that changed the game forever, then awarding me full custody. So the method for parents who really want to win and parent their kid is there. Anyone can do it.

Good luck and reach out if you need tips/advice/shoulder, whatever. And when I say that if you choose to Lawyer up be prepared, I mean it. Otherwise you will piss money unnecessarily on hourlies. There is a solid method that works (almost every time) to getting through this. If you follow that, your chances of success overall are greater than 50%, unless there is damning evidence against you that will darken that chance.

 

[Ducky_Fresh]

Damn Papi, he was trying to fund-raise here. Now he has to paypal you man! .. :laughing


QUESTION: Why does she want to keep you away from your son if you are such a good dad?

 

[zphreak]

Having gone through this twice myself, and having to start my life all over 3 times, I can tell you that nothing about this "process" is fun. I have spent over half my life dealing with Ex's, Attorneys, Lawsuits, TRO's (against them), Civil Suits, blah blah blah. It's a mess. BUT, it can and does get better, don't lose sight of that.

Now, having been successful (and failing prior) to get custody, let me give bits of advice that will get you through this:

1. Never bring or state Drama while in Family Court. Just state clear succinct facts.

2. Keep a day timer of where and who your kid is with 24 hours a day, every day.

3. Stay calm. Never disparage the other parent. As in never, ever, never.

4. Always always always write in your daytime book when your kid is with you, down to the minute. When you pick your kid up, always write down the condition your kid is in (unbathed, hungry, sick, whatever).

5. Continue to be reasonable about custody. Work on 50% or greater physical, and 50/50 legal. Making unreasonable requests will end up hurting, not helping you.

6. Enforce that the other parent covers 50% medical at all times. You do the same.

7. You are a parent, be the best one you can.

8. DO NOT TALK TO YOUR EX ABOUT CUSTODIAL MATTERS IF THIS IS GOING TO FAMILY COURT.

9. Do not let whatever drama they throw at you cause you to react in any way. If the language is not about pick up times and drop off involving your kid, say nothing!

10. You Ex, attorney, friends, Ex inlaws, whoever, will say or do things to get under your skin for you to react un-reasonably. Don't do it. Keep your mouth shut. Smile. Never exchange words beyond pick up times, drop offs, Doctor appointments, etc.

Again, having gone through this twice in 3 different states, you can get through this without counsel if you cant afford it. Each Court in CA has a Family Law Clinic to make sure you have all the forms, etc.

Also, some of us here on teh barf have been through the Family Court system enough to give you foundational advice as well.

Last, if your Ex lawyers up over custody, don't be intimidated by that. California Family Law and Court is a big hairy animal that can be tamed. The rules of the game are fairly easy if you follow them. There is a specific order that events happen, specific filings, specific responses, specific evidence the court uses to make decisions about what is better for the child. In one such case, I was able to trump the Ex's high powered attorney with just two court appointed experts that changed the game forever, then awarding me full custody. So the method for parents who really want to win and parent their kid is there. Anyone can do it.

Good luck and reach out if you need tips/advice/shoulder, whatever. And when I say that if you choose to Lawyer up be prepared, I mean it. Otherwise you will piss money unnecessarily on hourlies. There is a solid method that works (almost every time) to getting through this. If you follow that, your chances of success overall are greater than 50%, unless there is damning evidence against you that will darken that chance.

Good info. Also, hard to get but if she's represented, and you can prove you can't afford it then you can request to be represented as well (with her paying for your attorney)
"Equal Representation
When one spouse significantly out-earns the other, courts may sometimes order the wealthier party to contribute toward the counsel fees of the other. A spouse with no income or limited earning ability could be at an unfair disadvantage in a divorce situation if her spouse hires the best, most highly paid lawyer he can find while she can only afford someone with much less experience. Courts want both spouses to be equally represented. This is especially true in contentious child custody matters. Rarely will a family court judge order any spouse to pay all of the other's fees."

Be prepared to go through hell and listen to fake claims.

I used http://www.dadsdivorce.com/ for guidance. And read "The List".

If you need to vent, I've been through the same hell. Shoot me a PM.

QUESTION: Why does she want to keep you away from your son if you are such a good dad?

Because she's female and it's expected in the CA Family law system. :thumbdown

 

[wally]

Damn Papi, he was trying to fund-raise here. Now he has to paypal you man! .. :laughing


QUESTION: Why does she want to keep you away from your son if you are such a good dad?

in CA, child support is determined in part by how much time the child spends with each parent. more time with mom = more money.

sorry to hear about this OP. Going through this has been the worst experience of my life. BY FAR.

(ps, if you aren't legally separated already, she may have a claim to half of any money you collect in this process), though IANAL.

best of luck to you.

 

[lefty]

Good luck Bro. This is why I got a vasectomy as soon as I could. I have a simple life.

 

[m_asim]

Good luck in your struggle, OP. Remember to focus on your kid. This way you can ignore the negative and focus on the positive.

 

[usndocjaysin]

Having gone through this twice myself, and having to start my life all over 3 times, I can tell you that nothing about this "process" is fun...

Great info man, Thank you! I think I'm going to end up having to do this by myself because I'm going to need to respond soon. It's just that this is new grounds for me and I don't know how to "play the game". She's a cop and has a lot of things going for her in that aspect (i.e. knowledge, resources, etc...) I don't expect it to be fun or fair and expect it to be terrible. It is comforting to hear that dads can come on top though. I'm it will be the same for my son and I.

...QUESTION: Why does she want to keep you away from your son if you are such a good dad?

Everyone has asked that and my reply is "I don't know". She moved to Antioch and I found out via being served papers. Her BF\Fiancé lives there so that's why she moved but the thing is with that is that my son cannot bounce back and forth from Vacaville and Antioch. She's trying to get him into a "private" school there too. What I think it comes down to is convenience for her. Never mind the fact that all his friends and buddies are here or that his soccer leagues and wrestling club is here also. everything he knows, loves and is comfortable with is here, not in Antioch but I don't feel that she is too concerned with that...

Good info. Also, hard to get but if she's represented, and you can prove you can't afford it then you can request to be represented as well (with her paying for your attorney)
"Equal Representation
When one spouse significantly out-earns the other, courts may sometimes order the wealthier party to contribute toward the counsel fees of the other. A spouse with no income or limited earning ability could be at an unfair disadvantage in a divorce situation if her spouse hires the best, most highly paid lawyer he can find while she can only afford someone with much less experience. Courts want both spouses to be equally represented. This is especially true in contentious child custody matters. Rarely will a family court judge order any spouse to pay all of the other's fees."

Be prepared to go through hell and listen to fake claims.

I used http://www.dadsdivorce.com/ for guidance. And read "The List".

If you need to vent, I've been through the same hell. Shoot me a PM.


Because she's female and it's expected in the CA Family law system. :thumbdown

Good info! I'm totally out matched here (i.e. I don't know the rules of the game and what I can and cannot do) and would feel much better if I could have some sort of representation (hence fund raiser and selling my bike) Now how to request such things... :dunno

in CA, child support is determined in part by how much time the child spends with each parent. more time with mom = more money.

sorry to hear about this OP. Going through this has been the worst experience of my life. BY FAR.

(ps, if you aren't legally separated already, she may have a claim to half of any money you collect in this process), though IANAL.

best of luck to you.

We where never married (together ~11 years) and yes I believe you are correct it's time that dictates support. She makes way more than me so idk if she does prevail if I'd have to pay (can't squeeze blood from a turnip). I'm hoping it wont come down to that though. Loose time and have to pay for it!? FML if that happened.

 

[usndocjaysin]

Fuck. Sorry bro.

PM if you just wanna vent or bullshit.

Thanks man, I'll deff keep it in mind!:thumbup

Good luck Bro. This is why I got a vasectomy as soon as I could. I have a simple life.

LOL!!! TY! I have a living and breathing magnum opis! Nothing can ever top ever top my son. I can only hope you can feel the same joy from something else that I do with my son!:teeth

Good luck in your struggle, OP. Remember to focus on your kid. This way you can ignore the negative and focus on the positive.

Always! That's all I have and I will not compromise that. TY!:thumbup

 

[zphreak]

Good info! I'm totally out matched here (i.e. I don't know the rules of the game and what I can and cannot do) and would feel much better if I could have some sort of representation (hence fund raiser and selling my bike) Now how to request such things... :dunno

http://www.courts.ca.gov/cms/rules/index.cfm?title=five&linkid=rule5_427

Get a free consult with a family law attorney. If you'd like I can PM you the attorney I used. I didn't get my attorney fees paid (I made more $) but at least it's a start. What county is it in? I'm guessing Contra Costa (Martinez).

The court system wants stability. You need to show that you can provide a more stable atmosphere. Absolutely keep a daily log. Do your best to get your moderator on your side, he or she will be the deciding factor of your custody/visitation. With your distance, you probably can't expect 50/50 due to school, you'll have to fight for majority.

 

[Ducky_Fresh]

OK, I am in for 20 bucks if 3 BARF'ers can vouch for you.

BTW: I think the argument would be that he can wrestle and play soccer in Antioch just as well. And make new friends. Why can't you move there? Not hating, just saying.

 

[matt1216]

Just pitched in a little I could spare, hoping for the best for you two. I know how hard it can be in these situations, my cousin has been battling for visitation with his daughter for years.

 

[Marcoose]

Doc, don't matter how tough things get, never vent "your mother..." to your son. If anything, and if authentic and genuine, praise the good work she's doing for him.

Good luck with your ordeal!

 

[insyder]

...She moved to Antioch and I found out via being served papers. Her BF\Fiancé lives there so that's why she moved but the thing is with that is that my son cannot bounce back and forth from Vacaville and Antioch. She's trying to get him into a "private" school there too. What I think it comes down to is convenience for her. Never mind the fact that all his friends and buddies are here or that his soccer leagues and wrestling club is here also. everything he knows, loves and is comfortable with is here, not in Antioch but I don't feel that she is too concerned with that...

Yeah, fuck that. Sounds like a motion for new custody orders is needed right now. She can't arbitrarily disrupt your son's stable living environment so she can have the "convenience" of having your son on her terms while she builds this new life with the new guy. It sounds like its not in you son's best interest.

Best of luck.

 

[Papi]

in CA, child support is determined in part by how much time the child spends with each parent. more time with mom = more money.

That's not 100% true. California uses guideline support based on Income/Expense declarations from both Parents. If Mom is making more, Dad can file Discovery against her Income, Tax Returns, Banks etc. to adjust the Disso master used in Support calculations. This is one area I am intimately familiar with.

Great info man, Thank you! I think I'm going to end up having to do this by myself because I'm going to need to respond soon. It's just that this is new grounds for me and I don't know how to "play the game". She's a cop and has a lot of things going for her in that aspect (i.e. knowledge, resources, etc...) I don't expect it to be fun or fair and expect it to be terrible.

Her career/life has nothing to do with how great a parent YOU are. Don't lose sight of this.
PM me and we can exchange contact info if you want.

 

[wally]

That's not 100% true. California uses guideline support based on Income/Expense declarations from both Parents. If Mom is making more, Dad can file Discovery against her Income, Tax Returns, Banks etc. to adjust the Disso master used in Support calculations. This is one area I am intimately familiar with.




Her career/life has nothing to do with how great a parent YOU are. Don't lose sight of this.
PM me and we can exchange contact info if you want.

you seem to have missed the words "in part" in my post. I wasn't saying support was solely determined on time spent with either parent, just offering that money MAY be a motivation behind a mom wanting to limit a father's time with the child.

 

[zphreak]

you seem to have missed the words "in part" in my post. I wasn't saying support was solely determined on time spent with either parent, just offering that money MAY be a motivation behind a mom wanting to limit a father's time with the child.

More likely, it's control that is the driving factor.