I had to ask myself why in the 4.5 months I've been living in the bay area that I seem to only ride when it's foggy or raining and not when it's sunny. Then I realized that when the weather is perfect for riding, 70s-80s and dry, in the back of my mind it reminded me of September 11, 2001. I would get depressed every time the weather was perfect for riding. I've overcome that feeling by practicing a technique known as TIPI. (tipi-us.com; if anyone wants to come, there are free trainings every other Monday in Outer Richmond. Just PM me.)
I also found myself riding aggressively because the danger made me feel more alive, having been in "shock" with PTSD for the last 11 years. I've only been riding about 3 and a half years. I try to be more careful these days and hope to get on a racetrack one day when I have the money. In the meantime, I'm trying to heal from PTSD and looking for a job that will give me the space to heal.
When my symptoms got really bad to the point I couldn't concentrate for more than a few seconds, I could get on my bike and be able to focus when I rode. It was the only thing I could concentrate on. Everything else in life had been like living in a dream. Now I have to discern between being in lala land and being too tired so that I don't get on my bike when I am tired. When I'm on my bike and realize I'm tired, I pray I won't get into an accident.
I'm writing about PTSD and motorcycling on my blog, motorcyclebaby.com. Please come visit and comment!
Thanks for this post. Have been struggling with lack of moto-camaraderie. (Speaking of which, to the dude who owns a new red CB250 with a cover on 26th Avenue, your bike fell over in the wind. A neighbor and I stood it up this morning.)