WTF is it with these gender reveal parties?

[Eldritch]

I disagree with that. I'm not raising my kids to be like me.

I'm raising my kids to be better than me.

This part I agree with.

Good call, that is how my pop raised me, but you seem to get the idea. The values and character you pass on are colored by your own identity and that is something you SHOULD press on their kids. Don't just point them at some random ass books or a TV and tell them to, "go figure it out."

 

[cfives]

I'm just glad to hear that the word is finally getting out, in regards to the death and destruction surrounding these gender reveal parties! Why people think that it is ok to sweep up unwitting bystanders into their cyclones of carnage, is truly beyond me.

 

[DefyInertia]

Anyone ever see the one where some bro put pink confetti down the pipe of his 450 and then held it wide to bounce it off the limiter to reveal the gender out the exhaust pipe. Ha. Ridiculous.

As a parent of four I was very interested to know their gender ASAP. Was dying to know everything about them. Any piece of information I could gather was interesting. Was dying to see what they looked like too. For me it was just part of my interest in them, on all levels.

 

[TylerW]

I think that you're fixating on this too much.

Who cares if they're a boy or a girl when they're born? Trying to say that we should wait to see what they turn out to be is getting too technical. They're kids, their parents are parents, let them have the parenthood and childhood and figure out things for themselves later.

This is exactly what I'm talking about and I don't understand why everyone thinks I'm saying something elsewise.

 

[ctwo]

I think we should roll race into this as well.

 

[kevin 714]

Yes, everyone who takes their kids to work in the family shop with the expectation that they will someday take over the family business is a fascist who should have their kids removed.


:laughing


There is absolutely ZERO wrong with raising your kids to be like you. You shouldn't be shitty to them if they don't play along, but raising your kids to be the person you want them to be is a fundamentally what the hell being a parent IS.

im infinitely grateful that my father didnt try to to steer me in any particular direction but instead simply provided me with what I needed to grow into the best version of myself/ (a safe, stable, and secure home life generally free from stress or worry, but without enough excess to insulate me from the world), and endlessly encouraged what I wanted to pursue, free of judgement or opinion

too many people act like kids can be programmed, when they should be just providing an environment for children to grow. leaning mofre towards an agricultural model, as opposed to a manufacturing model, is far superior in my eyes

 

[TylerW]

There is absolutely ZERO wrong with raising your kids to be like you. You shouldn't be shitty to them if they don't play along, but raising your kids to be the person you want them to be is a fundamentally what the hell being a parent IS.

This is the most fucked version of parenting I can imagine.

Give them all the resources you can provide to become the best version of themselves, absolutely. But they're their own person. Raise them to become what *I* want them to be? That strips them of all autonomy. Fuck that.

I'm grateful that my father didn't do this to me. It makes the fact that I see more of him in myself as I grow older all the more poignant and precious.

EDIT: Okay, it's not the most fucked up version - but, its pretty terrible. It's how you raise emotionally damaged children who don't know their own place in the world.

 

[GAJ]

This is the most fucked version of parenting I can imagine.

Give them all the resources you can provide to become the best version of themselves, absolutely. But they're their own person. Raise them to become what *I* want them to be? That strips them of all autonomy. Fuck that.

I'm grateful that my father didn't do this to me. It makes the fact that I see more of him in myself as I grow older all the more poignant and precious.

My father absolutely did that to my older brother and I.

He wanted us to follow the upper class "British path" which started with Boarding School which is why he shipped us 5200 from our then home in Colombia to the UK for almost three years as he was sure he would end up in London. I was 7 and my brother was 10 and we spent 2 1/2 years in a horrific school.

Thank the fates for having him transferred to NYC.

I learned what not to be from him and what to be from our Mom.

Kids are resilient even if one of their parents believes erroneously that "setting their path" is the right thing to do.

 

[Eldritch]

im infinitely grateful that my father didnt try to to steer me in any particular direction but instead simply provided me with what I needed to grow into the best version of myself/ (a safe, stable, and secure home life generally free from stress or worry, but without enough excess to insulate me from the world), and endlessly encouraged what I wanted to pursue, free of judgement or opinion

too many people act like kids can be programmed, when they should be just providing an environment for children to grow. leaning mofre towards an agricultural model, as opposed to a manufacturing model, is far superior in my eyes

This is the most fucked version of parenting I can imagine.

Give them all the resources you can provide to become the best version of themselves, absolutely. But they're their own person. Raise them to become what *I* want them to be? That strips them of all autonomy. Fuck that.

I'm grateful that my father didn't do this to me. It makes the fact that I see more of him in myself as I grow older all the more poignant and precious.

EDIT: Okay, it's not the most fucked up version - but, its pretty terrible. It's how you raise emotionally damaged children who don't know their own place in the world.

The idea that neither of you had any values taught to you by your fathers is utterly bizarre to me.

How on earth you ever figured out any sort of sense of moral responsibility must be a weird story.

 

[TylerW]

The idea that neither of you had any values taught to you by your fathers is utterly bizarre to me.

How on earth you ever figured out any sort of sense of moral responsibility must be a weird story.

Hey yo I'm not sure if you're aware, but there's a massive gap between "I want you to grow up to be a good person" and "I want you to be the same person that I am"

Also there are huge influences outside of blood family that can affect and elevate moral creed. My friends make me a better person.

 

[ctwo]

I read it's 1/3 parents, 1/3 environment, 1/3 nobody knows...

 

[Tally Whacker]

I don't get any of this.
When we got our kids we simply went to the grocery store and wandered through the produce department. Boy babies were displayed on blue cabbage leaves and girl babies were displayed on pink cabbage leaves.
Y'all have made this too complicated.

That's pretty much how we did it. Boys were on sale and had a much better selection, so that's what we went with.

 

[DefyInertia]

The idea that neither of you had any values taught to you by your fathers is utterly bizarre to me.

How on earth you ever figured out any sort of sense of moral responsibility must be a weird story.

I read your prior post to mean that a parent tries to guide their kid. Help them learn important lessons about life, how to cope, how to treat strangers, how not to be an asshole. This includes the basics like me telling my 5 year old twins that when the waiter is taking our order, with four kids at the table, they need to be respectful by staying quiet other than to say thank you and to place their own order, which they generally better have decided upon as a first order of business when sitting down. My kids are extremely outgoing, silly, total riot and Motley Crue, but I expect them to be respectful to people that are trying to serve them, etc etc. These are my values that I’m pushing on them. If they want to be dickheads when they turn 18, go for it, but as for now I’m trying to shape good decent human beings that will go do whatever it is in life that they want, but hopefully they will pursue their dreams and preferences with some solid foundational character and standards.

I think people are twisting what you said.

I don’t think trying to “shape” the basics so that the kid has perspective etc to be a contributing member of society and a person that can advocate for themselves and pursue their dreams, is a bad thing.

I don’t think anyone has suggested forcing kids into a predetermined life style. Not how I read it. Although it sure seems like some people had that happen to them.

 

[Eldritch]

I read your prior post to mean that a parent tries to guide their kid. Help them learn important lessons about life, how to cope, how to treat strangers, how not to be an asshole. This includes the basics like me telling my 5 year old twins that when the waiter is taking our order, with four kids at the table, they need to be respectful by staying quiet other than to say thank you and to place their own order, which they generally better have decided upon as a first order of business when sitting down. My kids are extremely outgoing, silly, total riot and Motley Crue, but I expect them to be respectful to people that are trying to serve them, etc etc. These are my values that I’m pushing on them. If they want to be dickheads when they turn 18, go for it, but as for now I’m trying to shape good decent human beings that will go do whatever it is in life that they want, but hopefully they will pursue their dreams and preferences with some solid foundational character and standards.

I think people are twisting what you said.

I don’t think trying to “shape” the basics so that the kid has perspective etc to be a contributing member of society and a person that can advocate for themselves and pursue their dreams, is a bad thing.

I don’t think anyone has suggested forcing kids into a predetermined life style. Not how I read it. Although it sure seems like some people had that happen to them.

Thanks, you heard me. I mean, I sure didn't learn that being honest and keeping my word was some shit I had to figure out on my own if it was important. That was something my dad taught me was the kind of man he expected me to be.

I appreciate your input, since I don't have kids, I can only relate through my own experience with my parents.

Hey yo I'm not sure if you're aware, but there's a massive gap between "I want you to grow up to be a good person" and "I want you to be the same person that I am"

Also there are huge influences outside of blood family that can affect and elevate moral creed. My friends make me a better person.

What you just said was never what I said. :dunno

 

[TylerW]

What you just said was never what I said. :dunno

You literally said you should raise your kids in your own image. :dunno

 

[Eldritch]

You literally said you should raise your kids in your own image. :dunno

I said no such thing, I said there is nothing wrong with raising your kids to be like you. That means you teach them similar value systems to your own.

I don't know if your parents put you through something that made you take that away from what I wrote, but that wasn't it and it certainly was not how I was raised.

 

[TylerW]

I said no such thing, I said there is nothing wrong with raising your kids to be like you. That means you teach them similar value systems to your own.

I don't know if your parents put you through something that made you take that away from what I wrote, but that wasn't it and it certainly was not how I was raised.

Ok but you also suggested that because my parents didn't mold my identity I lacked a moral foundation.

That's literally what you said.

The idea that neither of you had any values taught to you by your fathers is utterly bizarre to me.

How on earth you ever figured out any sort of sense of moral responsibility must be a weird story.

 

[Eldritch]

Ok but you also suggested that because my parents didn't mold my identity I lacked a moral foundation.

That's literally what you said.

I mean, isn't that what your statement I was responding to indicated?

If you are not taught values from your parents, I'm not sure where they come from. :dunno

 

[Abacinator]

Peers, other family members, other adults, the media, literature... There are plenty of people who have developed strong morals DESPITE their parents' influence.

 

[TylerW]

I mean, isn't that what your statement I was responding to indicated?

If you are not taught values from your parents, I'm not sure where they come from. :dunno

My parents were capable of imparting a sense moral values upon me without a ridgid dictum of the ideal person they expected me to be.