Budman's on going joke fest
- Thread starter budman
- Start date
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.
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OLD MAN.jpg
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun."We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her. The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home "
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. "The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair."
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun."We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her. The man said "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home "
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. "The gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to kill him with the chair."
:thumbup
MURPHY'S OTHER LAWS
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
DesiDucati
Well-known member
10. If the shoe fits, get another one situs inversus so it fits the other foot. :thumbup
DesiDucati
Well-known member
DesiDucati
Well-known member
Why did the woman go through with the trouble of killing the husband with the chair? The CIA was playing a joke on the applicants with the fake gun right?
DesiDucati
Well-known member
I first heard Fluffy on the Sirius Netflix channel that dude is way too funny.
Click below for his hilarious story on how he met Snoop Dogg
youtu.be/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYzak7MZ2Vw
Click below for his hilarious story on how he met Snoop Dogg
youtu.be/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYzak7MZ2Vw
Abacinator
Unholy Blasphemies
It's based on the misogynistic trope that women are crazy. The male applicants couldn't go through with killing their wives. The female applicant, finding the gun to be useless, employs the next most lethal device available and bludgeons her husband to death with the chair.
Abacinator
Unholy Blasphemies
:laughing
Lonster
GaMMa RaNGeR
That's a nice political explanation.
Here's a different take on the JOKE:
She was trained as a killer.
She was told to kill her husband.
She obviously liked her job more than her husband.
It's a joke, not a picture of misogyny.
Abacinator
Unholy Blasphemies
Lol you guys