Advice...Wife Cited for Hit and Run....

Busy Little Shop

Man behaving bikely...
Please accept my deepest sympathies Guy... May the sorrow your wife feels in
her heart be lighten by your love that surrounds her... If my hug was strong
enough to take away your family’s pain, I would start now and never stop...
 

The Smokester

Old Newbie
STGuy, I don't think we've ever met. I read this whole thread through knowing it was started in 2015 and wondering how it could be relevant.

Then you posted the resolution to the original incident and I was stunned.

All I can say is that I admire you greatly, both for the devoted defense, and now your tireless support and care, of you wife.
 

ST Guy

Well-known member
All your kind comments mean a lot to me. And I come back from time to time to read them again. They really do help me get through the day. Thank you so much.
 

ST Guy

Well-known member
I'm curious how long it was from the hit and run incident to the diagnosis. I've had a hit and run I've investigated where I contacted the suspect who confessed to experiencing an anxiety attack (and the victim also stated it looked like the suspect was crying hysterically). It was later supported by medical documentation.

The result was that I did not recommend criminal charges, but instead a driver's license re-evaluation.

Well, I did a little checking and it would seem that it was a hair over two years before she was diagnosed with dementia. It happened a bit past the time of her second accident, the one where she took out the passenger side of her car. That happened in February, 2017. She saw a neurologist and even before then she simply stopped driving.

It would seem that people can show signs of dementia before they are really incapacitated. In my wife's case, she awknowledged she had dementia and simply gave up driving, though looking back on things, she did show signs even before the first accident in 2015.

I'm sure it can be tough on police and others to make these kinds of calls.
 

danate

#hot4beks
I'm so sorry ST Guy. This is the worst outcome I could imagine from this thread.

Having worked in emergency healthcare most of my adult life, I know what a devastating disease Alzheimer's can be and I feel for anyone who goes through it and their loved ones who have to manage it.

It sounds like you are giving it your all and I applaud you for that. One side I often see is family getting overwhelmed with care and I want to remind you that there are many resources out there to help you if it gets to be too much. Don't be afraid to reach out to your medical providers and even your county's Adult Services if you need assistance taking care of her.

My thoughts are with you.
 

ST Guy

Well-known member
I'm so sorry ST Guy. This is the worst outcome I could imagine from this thread.

Having worked in emergency healthcare most of my adult life, I know what a devastating disease Alzheimer's can be and I feel for anyone who goes through it and their loved ones who have to manage it.

It sounds like you are giving it your all and I applaud you for that. One side I often see is family getting overwhelmed with care and I want to remind you that there are many resources out there to help you if it gets to be too much. Don't be afraid to reach out to your medical providers and even your county's Adult Services if you need assistance taking care of her.

My thoughts are with you.

Thank you.

I am aware of the available services that are out there. So far, I've been able to do it all myself. What the future holds is yet to be known.

I also have some friends and 11 brothers and sisters.
 

kuksul08

Suh Dude
I'm very sorry to hear this. I had two grandparents succumb to Alzheimer's. I commend you for sticking in there and being a good husband.
 

JHicks

Basically Homeless
I thought I'd update this thread to let everyone know how it turned out. Nothing better to do this weekend. And for those who aren't familiar with this thread, it involved my wife being cited for hit and run back in early 2015.

First off, we paid the lawyer to make it all go away. And the person who's car my wife hit was completely unable to drop the charges. Understandable, but mean spirited, I think, due to the circumstances. My wife really did not know she'd hit the persons car.

As it turns out, my wife had, at that time, the early symptoms of Alzheimer's. We did not recognize it at the time but looking back, the signs were there. An inability to read was the first symptom, as I recall. She has greatly deteriorated since that incident.

She continued to drive for awhile after that but one day, she stopped for gas and then changed her mind and as she drove off, cut the island too tight and tore up the right side of the car. It took a few days before she confessed to it and was quite upset. We got that repaired but there were other symptoms so we eventually made an appointment with a neurologist. He gave her the usual tests which showed she was already in the decline. Functional, but that was declining as well. Since he was required by law to notify the DMV, she stopped driving after that and hasn't since.

Some of the other signs were one day, sitting there crying, she had forgotten how to make out a check. Another time she baked potatoes in our convection microwave, not on the convection setting, but a full hour on microwave. I came into a smoke filled kitchen with two tiny charred hulks of potato in the oven. We had to replace the oven.

She is now, by my calculations, in the sixth stage (out of seven) of Alzheimer's. I do everything for her and she is really the reason I stopped riding as well. I cook and feed her, clean the house, dress her, do the laundry, help her clean up after her frequent fecal incontinence episodes, etc. I'll still try to take a walk with her around the neighborhood from time to time, but that's it. Othwise it's hanging out at home. She can't even stand to be without me in the room most of the time. She'll get up after a minute to look for me, crying "help me, help me" or "where are you, where are you". That makes it difficult to do gardening and other outside chores. Fortunately, grocery shopping can be handled online and we signed her up for her SS so that helps.

At first, after being diagnosed with dementia, she would tell everyone about it. Then we got a second opinion at Stanford and after she broke down when the doctor called it Alzheimer's. I've since not used the word Alzheimer's in her presence and I don't think she remembers that day as she's forgotten a lot of things. She can't read and now her speech can be quite garbled as she doesn't know the correct words.

I don't know how much longer she'll live. Perhaps another year or two, I don't know. But I will be there for her and keep her in our home.

So that's the short version. And for those you love, keep an eye out for the symptoms. You can't do anything for the disease, but knowing what's going on can help.

You are a great man
 
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